Today is the Day I Die

TRIGGER WARNING: This work of fiction touches on themes such as suicide, self harm, and death. Please stop reading if this may make you uncomfortable.

Today is the day I die.

What my name is and who I am aren’t important, but to give you some consistency I will tell you that I am at my late teens and I am male. Why should you care? Honestly? I don’t know. What matters is that you know that today I will die. How? Why? Where? As I said these things don’t matter. Nothing matters but my death.

Today I woke up from bed, with the impending feeling, not of dread, but of glee. I knew that today I would die and all the forces of nature would make this happen. Nothing in the world could stop this fateful moment from happening. I woke up an hour before class would start. I took a bath and after, I ate my oatmeal which gave me time to stare outside my window. I saw a man cloaked in black in the hottest Monday morning there ever was. As I stared from my apartment, a jeep passed by, and after, the man disappeared leaving only dust in his wake. A strong beating started bursting from my chest, as I thought to myself that perhaps he would be my death. When I was done with my morning duties, I gleefully commuted to school.

In every corner I would see the hooded man staring at me. I was sure that he had red eyes, and teeth that could bite steel like a knife cutting through butter. He would grab me by the throat and tear off my limbs one by one. He will devour my flesh and tear apart my soul as he drags it to the fiery abyss. If he wasn’t a demon perhaps he was simply a cut throat. Perhaps he had sunken eyes that have seen too much. Perhaps he murdered simply for the joy of seeing the finale of life. Whether he was a demon or a cutthroat madman, I didn’t care. I just knew that he was going to end my life, and I felt like I was going to burst in tears with joy.

I was positive that he was there to end my life, and so that he wouldn’t fail, I decided to quickly isolate myself and go to the bathroom where no one else would follow me but him. As I waited inside the bathroom, my heart sank. “Why am I excited to die?” The moment this thought passed through my head I cracked up and silently said to myself “What a stupid thing to ask.”

The bathroom door creaked open, and in came the man with the black hood. I was sure I saw steam bursting from his nostrils, or blood shot eyes tear through my very core. Within the hood I saw, none other than my best friend Chris. He smiled and laughingly said “Dude why have you been avoiding me? I’ve been trying to show you my awesome new hoodie! They based it off of that outfit Cloud wore in Advent Children! Isn’t it cool?” and he just goes on talking. I stared at him and rubbed my forehead, pondering on the hopelessness of this meager life ending. I decided to satiate his need of my approval with a single “Yeah dude that’s awesome.” Saying that was a big mistake. Chris wouldn’t shut up about how great it was and where he got it and other such meaningless information. I imagined his feet being flayed slowly with barbeque sticks, after which he would be forced to run through a field of salt while being shot at with a bayonet. I took the grim expression off of my face and decided to amuse him further by conversing with him throughout the day. Useless drivel was passed back and forth between us. I truly wished I had a brick with which to smash his head in with.

Each minute, no, each second I was alive, was another moment wasted. Teacher after teacher passed through my sight, but none knew the beauty of death. I would think to myself that I could bless each of them by carving a beautiful tapestry on their back with a pair of scissors. Each would talk about topics of no importance. “Global warming this, terrorist that. The president did this, this disease did that.” Other teachers would teach meaningless trivia such as mathematics and sciences. Learning all of this won’t stop death so why are they even teaching this. The dismissal bell rang, and I refused Chris’ invitation to sleep over his house.

I went home depressed and unfulfilled that destiny stood me up. I was sure that today would be the day that I’d die. I was wrong and nothing could change that fact. Night came and everything was dark.

Today is the day I die.

Today I woke up from bed, with the impending feeling, not of dread, but of glee. I knew that today I would die and all the forces of nature would make this happen. Nothing in the world could stop this fateful moment from happening. I woke up a bit earlier today so I could hitch with my mother to school. I ate my bowl of cereal as quickly as I could, then took a nice cold shower. When I was done with my morning rituals, my mother dropped me off at school and gave me a revolting kiss on the cheek. As if her kiss could actually express anything to me.

Chris greeted me at the gate with a grandiose “Good morning!” I wished that I brought a knife with which to slit his throat open with. The only thing that stopped me from murdering this buffoon would be that I had a date with destiny, and I did not want to be late. I walked with him to class, thinking up of ways to make his flesh into a delicacy as he talked to me about Batman being stronger than Superman, which further proved to me that he was an idiot. I decided not to argue with him in fear that my brain cells would decrease.

The school moron decided that today was the day he would pester me. He made futile attempts to insult me, and in turn I decided to insult him. I described his mother as a harlot who pays for his tuition by bedding men. I describe the squalor of his home as being worse than the feces I create after feasting on beans. The students around us start laughing at him. I knew that I was tempting fate, but I decided that sometimes you need to give fate a little push if you wanted it to work your way. His face turned red and he balled up his right hand. Right before he started something, the bell rang. He looked into my eyes and threatened me “After school. 4th floor Men’s Bathroom. Be there.” This cryptic message got my soul soaring. Every inch of my being was screaming “Finally.” I was so filled with excitement and glee that Chris, bewildered by my excitement, decided to ask me “Dude, why are you so excited? He’s going to destroy you later you know that right?” I quickly changed my expression and lied “I was thinking about how awesome that new Pokemon game would be, then you remind me about dismissal.” I put on a more depressed look which causes Chris to be apologetic. He tells me that he can help me out later, but I respond with an “I don’t want you to get beaten up because of me. Thanks anyway Chris.”

Dismissal finally arrives, and a crowd follows me to the men’s bathroom. I see the bully and I decided to insult his sexuality just so that he would rear his horns at me. He charges at me and starts smashing my face in. I show futile attempts to fight back, but I can feel my mind blanking out. I knew that he was killing me so I did my best to drag both of us nearer the sinks in hopes that he would bash my head against the cold porcelain. He starts choking me, and so to agitate him further I dig my nails into his arms. He shouts and he grabs the back of my head and smashes my head towards the sink. A big grin goes across my face as I feel death welcome me into his cold embrace. But I do not feel the pain of my head smashing against the sink. I see the brute pushed off of me. He is held by a teacher and is brought away hurriedly. Some students walk to me and help me up. I damn every one of them.

I was so close to fulfilling my potential, and these idiots decided to intervene. Why couldn’t they just watch idly by as I reach perfection? I was brought to the clinic with barely any injuries. That idiot couldn’t even leave anything that could kill me eventually. This is why it’s stupid to trust in an idiot. I was so close to deciding that I should do the job myself, but I did not want to cheat fate of its prize. Perfection will come, and I had to be patient. I calmed myself down, brought out a smile as wide as the sun, and thanked everyone who helped me out. A teacher approached me and recommended me that I should go to counseling, but I told him “I’ll learn to forgive him, everyone makes mistakes.” The teacher, touched by my answer, pats my back and commends me on how kind I am. I was disgusted by him and I wished that I could tear out his tongue and shove it down his throat. I smile at him and walk away. I was distraught that circumstances have robbed me of my fate. Chris asks me if I want to sleep over his house and talk about today, but I tell him that I need some time alone. This was of course farce, but I’d rather sleep alone in my bed than in a room with this friend of mine.

I went home depressed and unfulfilled that destiny stood me up. I was sure that today would be the day that I’d die. I was wrong and nothing could change that fact. Night came and everything was dark.

Today is the day I die.

Today I woke up from bed, with the impending feeling, not of dread, but of glee. I knew that today I would die and all the forces of nature would make this happen. Nothing in the world could stop this fateful moment from happening. I woke up to the smell of sausages and eggs. I thought to myself “How disgustingly delicious.” I wolfed down my food, took a nice dip in the bath tub, and rode the bus to school.

As I walked through the halls of my school, I could feel a commotion. Chris went up to me and told me that one of our batch mates was murdered last night. He was walking near a dangerous district and he was mugged. The muggers stabbed him and ran away. This gave me a wonderful idea. I told Chris about how sad that was and how important life was. I walked to class with Chris while picturing my throat being made into a fountain by these unknown wonderful muggers.

Time ticked within the classroom, and I felt as if the world was intentionally spinning slower just to delay me from my wondrous date that night. I felt my heart pumping each second I was forced to stay in the confines of my school. Every inch of me was bursting to finally fulfill my potential. The moment that school bell rang, I ran out of that school.

I quickly took a jeep to wherever that jeep could take me and I got off. I walked through crowds and crowds of people but no one had ill intent towards me. As the sun went down, I got tired. I damned the seeming impossibility of my situation. I walked through the streets and I could see some people sitting at the sides look at me. I could feel that they weren’t nice people, but I doubted that they would kill me for my money. Every time I passed by someone who could have had dubious intent towards me, it was clear to me that they would take my money but leave me alive. I needed the right group. Face after sweaty face I just knew that my destiny was somewhere here.

The night grew darker and just when I was about to give up, I felt something sharp against my back. The voice calmly told me “Don’t make a scene or I will stab you.” I silently giggled in delight. I aggressively turned around in hopes that this mugger would stab me. I felt the sharp object poke against my stomach, but I did not feel the pang of beautiful pain I was supposed to feel. I looked at my mugger in hopes to aggravate him, but instead I was aggravated. My eyes were greeted by the huge grin of a buffoon. I imagined locking him onto a chair as I used hot needles to pierce his flesh and slowly move the needles around the inside of his flesh. I imagined piercing his skin multiple times with screws and driving them in slowly. My eyes were greeted by Chris laughing at me while he screamed “Got cha!” I breathed in slowly and decided to laugh along with him. He asked me what I was doing out late, and I decided to lie and told him that I tried using a different route going home and I got lost. Chris laughed at this and asked me if I wanted him to take me home or if I wanted to sleep over. I decided to choose the latter in hopes that my presence in his home would cause him to stop bothering me.

His hovel was as horrible as I imagined it. It was three floors tall and t he painting outside the house was chipping. Every floorboard would creek when you would step on it, and worse yet the doors would screech when you move them. His interior was covered in dust, and worse yet his parents were as disgustingly delightful as he was. They offered me sustenance and other such frivolities that proved to me how revolting his family truly was. I would rather that they shoved those plates down their throats. I forced myself to smile and curtly replied with a “Thank you” which assuredly means that I’d have to wash my mouth well later. I caught sight of a monochrome photograph of me smiling next to Chris. I asked him when he took that photo; he replied “I dunno, few years ago maybe?” I was revolted since he probably took it without me looking.

I lay on his bed and I pondered as to what I did wrong that day, why is it that I’m incapable of dying. More so, my thoughts were bothered by the strange photograph. Why would I ever smile straight at the camera? I was distraught to hear him snoring ever so loudly and instead of wishing a thousand curses upon him, I calmed my mind and played out the past few years I have been wishing for my glorious death. Day after day, monotonous drivel would prevent me from my perfection. The more they prolonged the agony of my existence, the more I knew that death’s kiss would be the sweeter than honey poured into milk with 3 teaspoons of sugar.

I went to sleep depressed that destiny stood me up. I was sure that today would be the day that I’d die. I was wrong and nothing could change that fact. Night came and everything was dark.