
Love Unrequited- Take 8
Chimamanda; present day
He didn’t go through with it! He didn’t marry her! He didn’t screw it up this time! There is hope! Is this hope? Should I be hoping right now? Should I be rooting for us right now? After all that’s happened? Is this our last chance?
I pressed my fingers against my skull, attempting to quiet the noise. It was all too much for me. You would think that after over ten years of going back and forth with this man, I would be free by now. Emeka set me free!
I drove out of my father’s garage and went to the only place that I would have peace; my studio. As I walked through the custom-carved wood doors, I felt the aura I needed. It smells like independence in here. From the door knob to the curtains, everything was mine, handpicked by me. The piece I loved the most was my CEO chair, carved in the fashion of a lion.
I sat on that chair and held on to it for dear life. There was so much to think about. I tried to articulate my thoughts the best way that made the most sense to me; I laid them out one by one, in order of sense and reason.
Option 1: Forget Emeka, pack my bags and move to Paris. This made the most sense as it was the tidiest. Considering a relationship with Emeka would be too scandalous, running the business in the same state as a Emeka was impractical and I could always run the business from Paris. At least I would be with someone whose love I could trust, Hervier.
Option 2: Stay in Lagos, avoid Emeka and focus on the business. I had spent a lot of goodwill and money starting the business. It needed me to grow to into a reasonable state and it wasn’t wise to give it all up because of one man. Father certainly raised me better. I had avoided Emeka before, albeit from a different country. It would be hard, but I could do it.
With option two, I felt strong, I felt like I was in charge of my emotions and my life. I wasn’t running from anyone, I was choosing to stay and fight for the life I deserved. Option one sounded more like me. I’m like the typical Nigerian woman, trying to look tough but all soft on the inside. If I were truthful to myself, I’d admit that I needed someone to love me. I needed to accept love, to be unashamed in my need for love. I needed to fall freely without fear. Only Hervier could do that for me right now.
Alas, none of these options felt truly right. I know deep down that my heart wanted something else. My heart wanted answers to questions that had plagued me since I saw Emeka. Why didn’t he marry Nedu after all? Why did he come to see me? What does he want? What did he mean when he said that he couldn’t do that to me? Did he love me? Was he really risking it all for me?
I made a terrible mistake of picking my phone. The first notification I saw was from one of my many frenemies. “Amanda, whatever you do, DO NOT go on Bellanaija or Lindaikeji right now.” Do I ever?
The second notification was a text from my cousin. “Amanda, I know you are going through a lot right now, but the last thing you need is more family drama. Just leave Emeka for Nedu. Everyone knows he likes her more. He just has more history with you, that’s all. Besides, you are Nedu’s big sister; be the better person and let this one go. You are a fine girl, you will find someone else in no time.” Wait, what the **** did I just read?!
I sat upright and went through my social media feeds like a raging lunatic. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!
The first headline I saw stung, “Lagos fashionista and heiress steals sister’s husband on their wedding day”. Well that’s not exactly accurate.
The second headline was just plain tacky, “Home of richest man in Africa torn apart by horny daughters fighting over the same man”. And someone was paid to write that? Disgusting.
The third one was pure comedy, “Most sought-after bachelor confesses, “I love Nedu, but Chimamanda is better in bed”. Jesus! Not that I doubted that to be true but Emeka would never say a thing like that, even with a gun to his head. I knew in my heart he was deeply ashamed at how messy things had gotten.
Someone was out there feeding the gossip blogs with disgusting stories to get a reaction out of me. I had more than enough to deal with to add public perception to the mix. People hated me enough already. I was the girl “who had it all”, the girl who had all the “it-bags” and wore high-fashion, the girl who “dated” the “best guys”, the girl who supposedly had everything handed to her.
If only they knew what my reality was. If only they knew that I had to pay my way through most of university because “someone” caught me off and my father was too busy to notice. If only they knew that I had dated only two guys beside Emeka and that one tried to kill himself whilst the other tried to con me. If only they knew that I stopped receiving money from my father at age 22 because it was just too difficult to get access anyway. If only the people who envied me knew the things I had seen, they would cherish their humble lives a bit more.
I opened a message I had been avoiding all day. One of the beautiful things about Hervier was the way he wrote. It was almost like his words were his hands, reaching for you, touching your heart and all the places you’ve hid from him.
“It’s only been three hours since my eyes fed on your beautiful face but I already miss you like I’ve lost you. I’ve fallen for you, Chi. I want you to remember that. I want you to remember that you’ve left a man here on the streets of Paris to walk around with half a heart. I sense that my love for you completes me. But I’m afraid. Sometimes when I’m with you, it feels like you are running from something. Like you are hurriedly emptying all the love you have with me for fear that someone else would steal it. This troubles me. It troubles me to think that someone could have a hold on you and that person isn’t me. Well, I’m not one to lose sleep over matters I can’t control. Just remember that I love you more than he ever can. And if you don’t pick any of my calls, you will see me in front of your house in Lagos and it will not be a pretty sight. I’m not one to lose my treasures over people that are less than me.”
My God. Just look at.
Hervier is certainly not one to take things easy, but what more can a woman ask for. A man that knows the roadmap to your destiny and who holds the torch for you. A man who defies all the norms and standards to be with you. A man who places you above his pride and let’s you in so easily. A man that is not afraid to trust you with his love, even when he is not sure he has your heart.
It didn’t help that he was the most beautiful man I had seen in my life. His looks reminded me of Michael Ealy, Jesse Williams and Khaleesi’s ex-lover all put together. It wasn't fair for a man that beautiful to have hazel eyes. You just want to drown into them everyday.
It didn’t help that his mind was so sharp and calculative. I knew that I was one of the very few people he let in. To everyone else he was a mastermind to be revered and worshipped. This great man kneeled for me though. His love frightened me. I wonder what he sees in me.
But Emeka.
From the first day Emeka and I met, I knew he was trouble. Right there in the classroom, in the midst of all his fans, I remembered how his icy gazed calmed me. It always felt like he was the only one to truly know me. I felt free with him, I let him in.
The very best representation of how I felt when I was with him was Alicia Keys As I Am album. That album read my soul. Teenage Love Affair reminded me of how we used to hide out to hang out with each other when we were in school. It reminded me our first kiss after we reunited whilst we were in university. I Need You and No One properly interpreted how lost I felt without him, how he could do no wrong.
“North needs South, East need West and No needs Yes, I need you!”
I needed him badly back then. That was until my emotions matured and I realised our love was faulty. It’s the worst feeling in the world, knowing that you have something great, but it’s not quite right. The song Lesson Learned spoke to everything I felt;
“sometimes, some lies, could take a minute, to fully be a lie. His tears, your eyes, 30 seconds to apologise. You give him one more chance, just like the time before! But he already knows, you’d give a 100 more! Until that night in bed, you wake up in a sweat. You’re racing to the door, can’t take it anymore! I was burned but I called it a lesson learned!”
From the lies about the women in his life, to the things he chose not to share with me, to not knowing for sure how he really felt. It was a mess. But it was the best and worst ten years of my life. I was only ever alive when I was with him. He had me! God, I think he still has me.
As tears fled from my shut eyes, I picked my phone. It was time to go home. A text message crept into my phone. It was from Emeka.
“Jesus!” I said as I dropped my phone.
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Nedu; present day
I was drowning, drowning in my drunk obsession over this man. He was the only thing I wanted more than life itself.
I built my life around him. I changed my looks for him. My friends always made snide comments about how I was beginning to look a lot like my sister. No one knew that I did this on purpose.
See other women like to deceive themselves into thinking they were the love of their loves, but I knew my day one that I wasn’t and I didn’t mind. Emeka would be just one more thing I’d take from Amanda.
I knew who my competition was and I did all I could to best her at every turn. Other people were afraid of her and found her intimidating but I knew her better than anyone else. I knew who had her mumu button. I knew she didn’t think straight where he was concerned, I knew he was her weakness.
So I plotted. From the first day I saw Emeka, I plotted. He was mine, he had to be mine. Luck shone my way when we both ended up in the US together. No one knew that he was the reason I asked my father to send me to an American university. Everyone else in my house schooled in England, but Nedu gets what Nedu wants.
I knew that the closer I was to him, the easier it would be to get under his skin. Every time we saw each other was pre-orchestrated. From picking me up at the airport (it took one call to my sister), to dropping me off at school on my first day.
His commitment to my sister was seductive, it drove me wild. How could someone love so recklessly? Every time we “bumped” into each other, he was off to do something for her or was just getting back from having done it. I wanted it. I wanted this for myself and I didn’t care what it took.
I shared my passion with my mother, we always talked about everything. What she said to me that day fuelled me. “Nedu, no be who first start dey win race. Go for what you want.” I was surprised by her response. This isn’t exactly the kind of thing a mother tells her daughter after she says she is in love with her sister’s boyfriend. It was odd, but i didn’t care. I knew what I wanted and I would have it at any cost.
It wasn’t difficult to drive a wedge between them. She was all the way in London and Emeka and I were in Washington. I started with little white lies like, “hey sis, you won’t believe I just saw Emeka now. Did you send him to me?” to devious “mistakes” like “oh Emeka, you should see Chimamanda’s new friend. The guy’s father owns half of London and he is so good looking! She claims they are just friends but I know my sister.”
I knew from how easily they believed me that their love wasn’t real. I could give Emeka better. I would always be a better choice. For one, I wasn’t naive to believe that love would come easy. I knew affection always needed a little push.
So I pushed and shoved my way in. I almost got what I wanted. I thought having Chimamanda at the wedding would humiliate her. I had no idea that seeing her was all that it would take.
All my cards were on the table, I had one more card to play. Emeka seemed to have forgotten I knew what he needed more than love. It felt good to have the upper hand and all it would take was just one call.
