The 4-Hour True Friendship: Escape SNS, Love Somebody, And Join Your Family
After friendship is formed you must trust, but before that you must judge. — Seneca
“Don’t call me back.”
That was the last word from my best friend. We hadn’t talked to each other for a while. So I packed all my stuff at a cafe I was in last night and went back home to talk to him on the phone.
Here we were, we talked about everything from life to school and school to future and future to “politics.”
Oops. That was our mistake.
Little bit of background between us, we both served on the S.Korean front-line. So we always waited, walked, and talked for 2 years. He and I had fantastic conversations about how to live well and stuff. So I thought our friendship was solid and true. I thought he would understand and forgive me 100% whatever I say as much as I tried to do that for him. I valued honesty and straightforwardness in our friendship.
If you are looking on anyone as a friend when you do not trust him as you trust yourself, you are making a grave mistake, and have failed to grasp sufficiently the full force of true friendship. — Seneca
Fewer Friends, More Friendship
After the conversation, I knew I was dumb because I treated everyone as my friends. Now, I know that true friendship does not mean saying yes to every person I meet. It means saying no to the hundred other good people. I have to pick carefully. I’m actually proud of me that I haven’t been friends with everyone.
True friendship is saying no to 1,000 people.
Folks, what do you think of true friendship? Someone says that there are many friends but it’s hard to find friendship these days. Some of us have 1,000 friends on Facebook. But how many do we have true friendship? 10% of your Facebook friends? 5%? Maybe handful. Maybe none.
Kevin Kelly talks about 1,000 True Fans for business.
Now, I suggest you to have 5 True Friends (TF) for life.
These are the friends who give you eustress, not distress.
These are the friends who will not only drink wine to celebrate together, but also drink coffee to get shit done.
These are the friends who embrace your bluntness.
These are the friends who would tell you that you’re fat so let’s work out together right now.
These are the friends who make you a better person day by day.
These are the friends who think differently than you, but don’t think differences as wrong things.
These are the friends who encourage you to become who you truly are.
We ought to flee the friendship of the wicked, and the enmity of the good. — Epictetus
Why 5 True Friends? Because our brain can hold about 5 best friends, and 150 social relationships. So let’s say you have mom, dad, and your sibling(s) as best friends, then you only need to make 2 or 3 more friends outside of your family.
Other than that, they are your acquaintances, not your friends.
Other than that, they are distractions of your life, not sources of good energy and happiness.
In short, you can find true friendship within your family.
Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart. — Marcus Aurelius
It’s Thanksgiving today. Many of us will see our family again, but we still keep talking to friends on Facebook. And we do not appreciate the people in front of us, but worship the people on SNS.
Let’s not make a mistake. Life’s short. Our family will not always be there. Family is more important than you think. You can always go back to them, and get warm supports from them. But our time is limited. Remember you are going to die someday.
So let us say hi to our family as if it were our last. Life’s too short to hide our love.
So let us express how much we love our family today. Right now. Right here.
Love is universal.
Love is wonderful.
Love is love.
Jo is an international student from S.Korea studying Cognitive Science at UC Berkeley. For his free time, he writes things in his broken English to express his thoughts and feelings. He loves Stoic philosophy, meditation, and psychology.