To Do List for Bernie-or-Bust-ers

So you’ve decided that you won’t support Hillary in the general election. It doesn’t matter that Bernie at this point would have to get 107% of remaining votes in order to secure the nomination. That is clearly the DNC’s fault and not at all because she has 3.1 million more votes than Sanders. Everyone knows the best way to get what you want is by throwing a tantrum and screwing everyone else over, right? RIGHT. Let’s revolt against the plutocracy!

Some of your family and friends may be concerned with your decision. So there are a few things everyone needs to do before November:

  1. Meet up with all your Latina friends, legal or otherwise, and inform them that you’ve finally reconciled with the fact that you’d be okay with them and/or their family members being deported. It’s worth them leaving their homes and lives so that you don’t have to live under the establishment anymore.
  2. Meet up with all of your friends who only have health insurance because of Obamacare and inform them that you’re okay with them losing their insurance and going back to paying out of pocket for medical procedures they need and cannot afford, landing them in serious debt. This is all worth it so that you can prove a point.
  3. Meet up with all the young women you know — or in fact all women you know — and explain that you’d be okay if they were to get punished for having an abortion and lose access to contraceptives. If you’re a woman, see if you can get Planned Parenthood to give you 8 years worth of contraceptives ahead of time so you can be safe from an unintended pregnancy due to an unavoidable rape that is unequivocally your fault. Actually, never mind. Planned Parenthood endorses Hillary Clinton and therefore is a corrupt corporation run by Wall Street shills. Just get your tubes tied. It’ll be fine. If you’re a man — and you probably are — now is the time to stock up on condoms because if you accidentally knock up a girl or get an STD…well, there’s always running away. At least you stood your ground for what you believe in and that is taking a stand for the sake of taking a stand. If you identify somewhere else on the gender spectrum, begin construction on a private portable toilet and bathroom stall that you can carry with you everywhere when the supreme court with a republican majority passes a universal bathroom bill like the one in North Carolina. THIS IS ALL WORTH IT FOR A #REVOLUTION.
  4. Meet up with all of your African-American friends and explain to them that this is their fault for being uneducated, low-information voters. Especially if they live in the South, explain that by being slaves for hundreds of years, their ancestors were supporting a corrupt system. It isn’t your fault that they chose to support a corrupt system.

WE CAN REALLY SEND A MESSAGE TO THE CORRUPT DNC IN NOVEMBER IF WE CAN ALL STAND TOGETHER BY SILENCING OUR VOICES IN THE VOTING PROCESS.

WHAT DEFINITELY WILL NOT WORK IS VOTING IN DOWN-BALLOT ELECTIONS FOR PROGRESSIVE SENATORS AND REPRESENTATIVES WHO COULD IN FUTURE ELECTIONS HAVE ENOUGH OF A MAJORITY TO ACTUALLY PASS SOCIALIST MEASURES LIKE SINGLE-PAYER HEALTH CARE, FREE PUBLIC COLLEGE AND HIGH TAXES FOR THE RICH — OR VOTING FOR GOVERNORS WHO COULD POTENTIALLY ESTABLISH THESE LAWS IN SPECIFIC STATES.

WHAT WILL BE MOST EFFECTIVE IS TO ACTIVELY ENSURE THE ENTIRE COUNTRY BURNS TO THE GROUND.

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