“FOR US, THERE ARE NO GOODBYES”
A hushed silence fills the air as if even nature is mourning the weight of the day. Hearts are heavy with sorrow, and tears flow endlessly like a river, carrying the weight of unspoken pain. What kind of day is this? One muted with whispers of grief. Sasa hii ni nini? Each passing moment seems to deepen the ache, reminding us of the void left by the absence of our friends. Time drags as if it too understands the need for gentle reverence in the face of such heartbreak. It is one of those days.
What's up? Loss. Losing three close friends to the angry waters of the lake. This has been one of the darkest days of my life. Unfortunately, this is not a nightmare. See, I have to admit that I haven't thought of water accidents as much as I do now after this incident.
How abrupt? {timing?} Ah! God's purposes know no haste and no delay
But why? {God’s will/permission} We will understand it better by and by.
First, let's clarify things here, Our Lord is not a bully. He is not one who would delight in the suffering of His brethren.
No words can sufficiently express how much our world ‘owes’ to sorrow. As MacDonald would put it. As an afflicted Christian, I can only think of this as a crucible experience. How hot can you get in here? Sis… Bro… This is a refiner’s fire.
In the heat of the furnace, the dross is separated from the genuine gold of the Christian character. “The crucible is not a sign of his intense displeasure towards us, but His displeasure toward the sin that warps our ability to see His goodness”
Ever since I collaborated with Meraba for the Nairobi Innovation Week project, we have been inseparable. His loss is a thorn in the flesh. His vision was to transform the leadership of The University of Nairobi Faculty of Education for the better. We share mentors, we organized small church visits to places like E.G.W. Estate Branch Office and he always helped out with the logistics part. We attended master Guide events which he cherished more than anything. A dependable and supportive friend that became a brother.
I remember one time my roommate and I almost missed the morning devotion, he came knocking on the door severally and no one answered. He couldn't stop. Ilibidi tuamke. 😴 Every time he visited his Ikorongo home, he would dutifully bring sugar cane and avocadoes, and trust me, none of those made their way to his room. Thanks to his celebrity status ‘Mimi ni kiongozi wenu, elders hamwezi teseka na niko hapa’ Fair enough. I will remember how two weeks prior, he had challenged me to take graduation pictures. (I did not want to) If you know me, You know how stubborn I can be. Nevertheless, I showed up. Glad I did. This would be the last time I would see Meraba. I also remember the fateful Saturday, December 31st, 2022 at 7:30 Am when I called to remind him of the pictures for the UoNSDA newsletter. I remember talking about the church I was going to attend, and I talked with two other sitemates including Amayo. I even promised to call in the evening. This actually happened but with a sad twist because when I got the news, (even before the names were disclosed) I called them to no avail.
Zavon on the other hand would be first to notice when you are pretending to be okay. He would say, Dear sister what do we need to pray about? His loss is heartbreaking. Zavon loved to get hold of books and read. I will reminisce about Camp meeting moments with him by the book table.
I fondly remember how he would insist that I have a twin in school. Because I dilly-dallied in addressing the issue, as in coming clean on the matter of whether I had a sister in school, he decided to switch our names. Just like that, cliquey me had a new friend😉. Fare thee well.
Mordecai’s loss is a dagger in the heart. Talk of an effective and hands-on teammate with insights and multiple ways to approach subjects. Got an opportunity to serve with him in the 2022 Publishing & S.O.P council. His main burden was that Post-COVID, churchmates stopped attending church or being part of a congregation in church thus missing out on the joy of fellowship. He referred to it as a dangerous ground that we need to pray about. He exemplified the qualities of a great leader. Apart from church work, he has been a sincere, supportive, and great friend that I am already missing and will ALWAYS miss BADLY!
I remember sometime in April last year, he mentioned how the lesson ‘The Message of Hebrews’ by Felix Cortez had completely changed his worldview and how it is the present truth. He remarked that he had come to appreciate Christ's ministry in the heavenly sanctuary more than ever. A few days later, he would compose a blog on the same. And as chance would have it, in the lens of the Three Angels message, He got the opportunity to preach the message at JKUAT.
One phrase that I will remember from Mordecai is ‘together’. I will remember Him for his positive and inclusive mindset, and his value for unity, collaboration, and teamwork. So long, Amayo! 😢💔
For Mordecai was great in the king’s house, and his fame went out throughout all the provinces: for this man Mordecai waxed greater and greater. Esther 9:4
As the echoes of tears and sobs linger, we resonate with the bittersweet melody of cherished memories. As we face the reality of a world forever altered, we are left grappling with the profound absence of what once was. There is no solace in silence. In the shared sorrows of our hearts, maybe. Also knowing that in our collective mourning, we are not alone. And though this day may forever be etched in our memories as a reminder of life’s fragility, we must find strength in our resilience. Gaman!
As part of the reflective grief, We traverse the terrain of what-ifs and could-have-beens, longing for just one more moment, one more conversation. What if I called them? We beat ourselves. Waves of sadness crash upon the shores of our souls, leaving us BREATHLESS and weary. Yet, amidst the pain, grief has become a mirror, reflecting the depth of our love and the richness of the connection we shared. It serves as a testament to the profound impact that our departed friends had on our lives. In these moments of reflection, we honor their memory and find solace in the beauty of the moments we were fortunate to have. Isn't the cure for grief grieving? Though grief may consume us, it is also a gentle reminder that love and loss are intertwined, woven together in the tapestry of our human experience. In the quiet moments, as we sit with our grief, we begin to find fragments of healing, the glimmers of hope that one day, amidst the pain, we will once again find joy in the cherished memories that are now sealed in our hearts until the resurrection morning- majaliwa.
THE REAL DANGER
They drowned in water, we are drowning in sorrow! Many of us because of our pain, may experience the temptation to redefine God. We may tend to think He is misguided. I have been there.
“The real danger is not in thinking there is no God after all, but in coming to believe the dreadful things about Him” A Grief Observed.
“There are no goodbyes for us. Wherever you are, you will always be in my heart.” Mahatma Gandhi”
Once again, sorry if we may take a little more time to recover from their loss. We are trying. Blessed are we that mourn…
#Terriblymissedyetterriblyremembered #Shattered
