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I Hope You Like this Piece I Wrote About How I Don’t Care What People Think of Me

Will you pretty pretty please read this and love me? I mean, love this?

Photo by Myung-Won Seo on Unsplash

Hi all! I guess.

Or should I have said “Hey”? “Greetings”? “Salutations”?

Pffft. Whatever.

It’s not like I deeply care what you think of this me via this intro. I don’t perceive my value (or lack thereof) based on how I perceive others might be perceiving me. Laaaame. I’m too cool for that.

I don’t care what anyone thinks of me in this Panera Bread. I’m sitting here, typing away on the latest iPhone in a leather jacket and skinny jeans. And sunglasses, indoors. Ya know, cool.

I do look cool, right?

Wait, nah don’t answer that. I’m too busy enjoying my summer corn chowder — which I totally impressed the bored teenage cashier by ordering, by the way — to care.

Not like I ever care. Lololololololol!

Anyway, dweebs, here’s how I — a person who definitely doesn’t have a history of social anxiety oh no no no — am so successful at carefreely living my carefree life not caring what other people may possibly perhaps maybe may be thinking of me.

I really really hope you enjoy it!!!!

Or whatever. Your choice.


Know that you can’t please everyone.

You’ll never ever please anyone, so why bother trying?

Isn’t that wonderful?? That no matter what you do, how hard you try, however you attempt to contort and twist yourself, there’s no hope of every last solitary person you encounter (or anyone who just knows of your existence on this vast earth) having a favorable opinion of you?

You can’t control other people. How awesome!!!!!

I totally love this quirk of life and have taken it to heart.

It’s why I never try to impress coworkers or distant relatives or matches on dating apps or my mail lady or my nails lady or drivers in the next lane over who might catch a glimpse of me or the automated voice when I call verizon wireless or the FBI agent monitoring my phone usage or my cat or Oprah or airport staff people when they say “have a nice flight!” and I reflexively respond “you, too!” or you, a person reading this who might be super judgmental and also my future employer and/or someone I’ve met in real life. (Hi, I hope you’re comfy.)

Hahahahaha! Nope. Sorry, suckers. I don’t care.

Oh wait, I’m not sorry. (Get it? Because of that whole not caring thing?)

Get to know and love yourself.

If you love yourself, then external validation won’t matter so much. Or at all.

Trust me. Here are a few things that I love about my super cool, chill self and how they’ve benefited me in #notcarring.

  • I’m fashionable. Those uncomfortable heels, rigid business suits, and boob torture devices (bras) I wear? Those are for ME! Lol, I stuff myself into unfortunate cloth for me and me only. And if society happens to deem them appropriate by its ever-changing narrow standards, that’s cool I guess. Whatevs.
  • I wear pretty makeup. Same reasons as above! For ME. 100%. Quarantine me in a room by my lonesome or on an island, Castaway‐style, and I’d still diligently apply eyeliner, mascara, and Maybelline Color Sensation powder matte lipstick (post not sponsored) every morning. I’d include a selfie to show you how pretty I am, but guess what? I don’t have a compulsive yearning to prove myself to you!!!
  • I’m kind. I wish nothing but good things for each and every last person on this earth. 😇 And if someone doesn’t like that, they can burn in hell!!!!!!!
  • I’m a good writer. I’m so good, in fact, that I never obsessively read and reread and reread and reread my drafts before clicking the totally-not -scary ‘publish’ button, imaging what different people with different perspectives and opinions might think of me and my work. Oh no, I never ever ever run through various scenarios of imagined readers in their imagined moods and imagined ideas. I love my writing so much that I never bother editinging.
Photo by Mike Marquez on Unsplash

Think, really think, about the absolute worst case scenario.

Whenever I’m about to do something that might scare other people—but not me, of course!—I imagine all the things that could possibly go wrong.

If, for example, I were to text an old acquaintance to see if she’d like to get together for dinner or coffee sometime, what’s the worst that could happen?

She’d say no?

She’d say no and think I’m an obnoxious, weird, overconfident, attention-craving freak for having the bold audacity (the NERVE!) to reach out to her in hopes of obtaining some brief, mutually-rewarding human connection? Then, she’d be so disgusted, she’d immediately sell her home and flee from our shared city? Plus, she’d write in to a national news station or The Ellen Show about this human monster who tried to contact her and my name would become an infamous trending hashtag and no one would ever dare hire me nor choose to associate with me for the rest of my long yet fleeting life? And so I’d live a miserable life and die an even miserabler death?

Pfffft, no biggie. Glad I thought of the possibility though. :) Just one more habit of mine that makes me super chill!


The End.

Maybe this helped you not care, too. Or maybe not. Whatever, dude.

I’m about to file off some resumes and cover letters in my job search. I’d say wish me luck — I’m desperate for someone to admire my work and experiences and recognize my value as a potential employee or at least think my cover letter is well-written and thus, I’m a good person — but nahhh. That hasn’t crossed my mind at all.

How sad would that be??


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