Trump Eliminates ‘All Dogs’ Heaven Immigration Policy
President Trump announced at a rally in Dirt Sandwich, WV Tuesday that his administration would be ending the highly favored ‘All Dogs Go To Heaven Immigration’ policy.
“We are letting too many in,” he yelled to forty thousand attendees that cheered the statement despite the arm of their mobility scooters digging into their side for the last 15 minutes.
“Remember this? We used to have those dogs that would carry a barrel of booze around their neck everywhere, and when you went out on a Friday night with your buds after a week of working at the coal mine, they were everywhere! You’d find one, wrestle the hooch away and that was that… not anymore!”
He went on to say, “Sometimes the bartender was a dog too.”
The President later clarified his policy change. “Dogs should go to heaven on merit! No pugs, no weenier dogs, no little, I don’t know what they’re called but they have crossed eyes and their breathe smells like cat food even though they only eat dog food, none of them.”