Assume Goodwill
From disparagement to curiosity
“Don’t you just hate Obama? He’s such an idiot.”
I was 18 years old and desperately trying to impress my new friend from Texas. I’ll never forget his response:
“Well, hate is a pretty strong word, and I have a hard time believing that the President of the United States is an idiot. I might not agree with him on a lot of issues, but I certainly don’t hate the man.”
Fisher and I would go on to become the best of friends, and that is largely due to how genuinely thoughtful he is when it comes to everything—not just politics. Thanks in part to Fisher, over the next four years, I challenged myself and my beliefs in an effort to build a strong foundation upon which I could stand in the world. This resulted in finding my way from the far political right to the very center—often struggling with compelling and opposing viewpoints. It was through simple attempts at human understanding that I was able to make the greatest progress.
With the Federal Government currently shut down, political gridlock gripping Congress, and hyper-partisanship at an all-time high across the country, I think the world could use more empathy.
After spending five months living four blocks east of the United States Capitol in Washington, D.C. where I studied political science and the inner workings of Congress, I moved across the country to California’s Silicon Valley.
When you work at a startup in San Francisco, you meet a lot of unique individuals. Working with a lot of brilliant and eclectic personalities at Zaarly, I quickly learned of and adopted an unofficial company mentality that I have since carried with me: when in doubt, assume goodwill.
I believe that challenging myself with those five words makes me a better human. In an increasingly digital world, misunderstandings can and do happen quite frequently. As it turns out, text-based messages (while convenient) are not always the best form of communication. Instead of taking things personally and at face value, I challenged myself to assume goodwill whenever possible. Not only did it have an impact on my interpersonal skills, but it also had a big impact on my general disposition. I was happier.
In class a few weeks ago, we had a guest lecturer. He opened up class with the following instruction: “Write down something you truly believe, but that a reasonable person could disagree with.”
Now, in retrospect, I should have seen where this was going. But I didn’t.
After racking my brain for a few moments, I wrote, “I believe that the role of the Federal Government best serves its people in a limited capacity.”
He collected the papers and carried on with his lecture. At the end of class, he casually said , “Remember those statements you wrote out at the beginning of class? Your assignment is to write an Op-Ed in favor of the opposite position.”
I was being forced to write a persuasive Op-Ed that essentially went against everything I believed in.
“Oh, and let me give you some advice: this assignment will be a lot easier if you stop thinking of your opponent as an idiot.”
Touche.
A week later I turned in my Op-Ed arguing in favor of expanding the government indefinitely. Have I switched parties? No. Do I have a better understanding of why Democrats hold the views that they do? Absolutely.
The exercise was a bit extreme, sure, but the lesson was clear. Life is not black and white. The sooner we can realize that it is perfectly acceptable to like and respect someone who holds different viewpoints, the sooner we can start to move forward and address the real issues facing our world and country.
Ramit Sethi, one of my favorite bloggers on the internet, wrote about a very similar phenomenon that he calls “The D-to-C Principle”:
“Why doesn’t HBO just sell Game of Thrones on iTunes? They’re so dumb!”
Let’s get real. HBO is a lot smarter than you. And if you go through life criticizing companies and people (as 99% of us do, me included), you miss out on something magical.
The magic is found when you challenge yourself to go from disparagement to curiosity.
Instead of, “HBO is dumb,” it’s, “What does HBO know that I don’t?”
Instead of, “Democrats are idiots,” it’s, “Why do they hold this belief?”
Instead of, “Michael is crazy,” it’s “How can I understand him better?”
Of course it feels good (and natural) to jump to a conclusion and write someone off because they have a different opinion. It boosts the ego. But when we do this, we are missing out on opportunities to learn, grow, and experience one of the most human experiences: empathy.
When in doubt, assume goodwill.
