One

It was New Year’s Day. And, for the first time since he could remember, he hadn’t made a single resolution.

And so, he watched from a distance as the others clanged pans and hooted and hollered — as much as their pacemakers and medication dosages would allow.

The reason for his recent reticence had started a few weeks ago when he woke up to two realizations that ruined a perfectly good egg and toast breakfast.

Firstly, that the widely claimed wisdom expected to come with age had not yet arrived — which bothered him but only slightly. And, secondly, the true cause of the dietary disappointment, the realization that he was, in fact, a nobody.

It’s quite a sad thing to realize you’re a nobody when you’re whole life you’ve wanted to be a somebody. It’s an even sadder thing to realize it’s probably your fault.

Sure, he wasn’t the most depressing or oldest of the bunch. Ed hadn’t spoken in twenty years, had to eat food through a straw, and couldn’t even remember his own name half the time. “Then again, wouldn’t that be nice to not remember things?” Ben thought to himself.

This thought gradually made him feel small and green. Why couldn’t he lose his mind, then at least he wouldn’t have to face his new realization. He was cursed with remembering everything. Especially things he didn’t want to remember.

Suicide had been an option until 1966, when, after watching a friend jump from a tall bridge for depressing reasons, he just couldn’t bring himself to consider it anymore as he would always see her face when tempted with making an exit.

Besides, there were just too many ways to do it and, each way said a particular thing about a person. If he could manage to get around seeing her face — which he couldn’t, he definitely couldn’t settle on what his curtain call would be. So he found himself here. Alive. Sort of.

Sort of, because, “alive” from a scientific and logical perspective is a fairly straightforward concept. And, aside from a failing heart, he was still that. However, from a emotional, spiritual, metaphorical vista, Ben was very much mostly dead. It was Friday.