It seems to me that you have more going on than your job situation and, since I don’t intend to judge your personal struggle which I’m not a party to, I won’t comment on that. So I’m just going to let you in on a truly simple fact of life:
Pain now or pain later, you can pick either one or both but you must pick one.
What I mean is simple:
- Pain now: This is for the dreamers, those driven by ambition, those who want to be unique, change the world, yadda yadda…You accept that the next several years are going to be filled with pain — either financial or emotional — because that pain is necessary for the reward of being able to do exactly what it is you want to do with the rest of your life. This is otherwise known as “paying your dues.”
- Pain later: This is for the folks that don’t want to live on $1 or $2 a day, for those who don’t want to split a one-room apartment with 4 other people, those who don’t want to live uncomfortably (I believe you are one of these people). When you’re a pain later person, you tend not to believe in the pain. But two decades after accepting that guaranteed income path, that “I’ll make the lease payments on my 3-series” job, or whatever it is you decided to “give-up” on in order to live in a $1,500 a month apartment (alone?) at 25, you realize that you’re average at best. You find yourself “trapped,” “with regrets,” “alone.” Whatever.
So it’s pain now or pain later. There’s no wrong choice. But you have to pick one.