Rain dripped from the grey London sky…
I stood shivering on the streets of Covent Garden as dozens of cold faces passed by.
Surely this wouldn’t work…!?
A few yards behind me stood our “dating coach” Jake.
He’d just taught us the “three simple steps” to chatting up women on the street.
I’d spotted his advert for this free lesson online.
Having never tried this before, I’d felt compelled to find out more.
Now, here I was.
My heart beating faster than the drum-and-bass track from the nearby shop.
Waiting to put these three magic steps into action…
Could you really hit on a woman while she was shopping?
I was about to find out…
Some tiny blonde had stopped to stare at the manikins in the shop window.
This would be easiest opportunity.
Ok ok ok Joe, you can do this…
With my lips quivering and my hands shaking, I stepped over and managed to open my mouth.
Step 1: The introduction
Jake had taught us to open the conversation with a “statement of empathy”.
Anything that shows you’re aware what you’re doing is a bit surprising.
“This might seem a bit random, but…”
“I know this slightly out of the blue, but…”
This shows you have the emotional awareness to realise she might feel uneasy speaking to a stranger on the street. You’re not some sociopath. It also gives her scattered female brain time to tune in before you get to the point.
“I noticed you look really nice today, so I wanted to say hi.”
That was Jake’s “statement of intent”. He explained that it’s important to make it clear what you want as soon as possible.
This seemed a bit full-on, until Jake asked how I’d feel if a stranger randomly approached me without explaining themselves.
I’d be suspicious, confused, guarded and generally weirded out. No matter how cool they were.
So I stole Jake’s line about the blonde looking nice…
Her face lit up — and she thanked me for being so sweet
Step 2: Assumptions
The next step? Use her appearance to make an assumption about the type of person she might be.
This is a good method to explain what captivated you about her appearance. It’s also a great opportunity to break the tension using humour. Exaggerating what you see works well…
“You look so incredibly sporty today. I’m guessing you’re some sort of professional athlete.”
“You reminded me of all the women I saw walking around in Stockholm, so I felt compelled to find out if you were Swedish.”
Assumptions are great for sparking curiosity. They’re more fun — and less creepy — than asking where’s she’s from or what her job is. Typically, she’ll tell you whether you’re right or wrong, then ask what made you predict that.
Now you’re in a conversation…!
It’s a common strategy to ask broad “getting to know you” questions to elicit conversation from strangers.
A woman you’ve just approached in the middle of the street will rarely find the motivation to answer them. After all, you’ve not done anything to show you’re cool or make the conversation fun for her.
However, the tiny blonde found it highly amusing that I thought she was Scandinavian.
“I’m from London! Aren’t Swedes really tall??”
I told her I’d just moved to the capital, so didn’t know how to spot Londoners. She asked why I’d moved…
A question about me!
That’s a good sign that she’s interested in speaking to you for more than a few seconds.
Step 3: Close
I’d assumed that the “close” would involve swapping contact details, with the intention of meeting for a date in the future.
That’s not what Jake suggested…
He advised us to ask women what they were doing at that very moment.
The answer will reveal how long you have to speak to her. If she’s waiting for a friend or taxi to swoop her away, you will need to exchange contact details quickly.
If she’s wandering around not knowing what to do with herself, you can invite her on a “instant date”.
Instant dates are brilliant, because they guarantee you proper time to get to know each other. The more time she spends with you, the more likely she’ll text you back after you eventually do swap details.
What’s more, there’s every chance you can transition from an “instant date” to your bedroom. Apparently Jake had achieved this several times.
The tiny blonde was wandering around aimlessly, so I invited her for a Starbucks. That’s when she dropped the bombshell.
She had a boyfriend.
That’s when I started stumbling over my words. Jake hadn’t prepared us for this. She thanked me again for the compliment, made her excuses and scurried off.
I know what you’re thinking…
This story sucks…
What an anti-climax…
Does Medium have a downvote?
GOOD! That’s pretty much the point I wanted to make…
Approaching a woman during the daytime isn’t the big deal we make it out to be…
Sometimes the woman won’t have time to talk. Sometimes it’ll be a pleasant conversation that leads nowhere. Sometimes the woman will be single and will join you for a Starbucks — and you’re suddenly on a date!
This was a big deal to me at the time. I had seen into The Matrix. All those beautiful women that walk past you in the street…it’s possible to introduce yourself to them.
What’s more, you have a great chance of making something happen!
The tiny blonde non-Swede was a bombshell. The sort of girl who’d never match with me on Tinder, nor give me any time in a nightclub. These environments tend to be far more superficial, and you can guarantee there’d be a ton of better-looking guys battling for her attention.
But, here there were no obstacles.
- No loud music!
- No overprotective friends!
- No other guys trying to speak to her!
The only obstacle was my anxiety about speaking to women during the daytime.
Anyway, that was five years ago…
I’ve been approaching women during the daytime ever since. On the street. At a cafe. In a shop. WHEREVER YOU SEE THEM.
I’m convinced it’s the best way to meet women.
You stand out immediately, just for having the boldness to try this. You can meet the high-quality women who don’t use Tinder and only attend VIP nightclubs. Some of the most beautiful women I’ve ever dated were those I approached on the street.
What’s more, even five years later, it still feels so exciting to inject a bit of magic into a woman’s day.
Women want the fairytale of a man approaching them as they go about their day, as long as they go about it in a gentlemanly way. It’s way more romantic than meeting online or via some drunken hook-up.
My drunken hook-ups would soon be a thing of the past. Almost immediately after my coaching session with Jake, I became teetotal. Alcohol had only ever been a crutch to give me the courage to speak to women. I didn’t need this crutch any more.
A bit later, I stopped using Tinder. My personality was my key strength, and meeting women during the day allowed me to convey it best.
If you feel the same about yourself, I’d urge you to give Jake’s three steps a try.
- 1. Introduce yourself with a statement of empathy;
- 2. Get to know her using assumptions;
- 3. Close with an instant-date or by swapping contact details.