The World Will Be A Better Place When Game Of Thrones Finally Fucking Ends

Admit it, GoT fans. You know it’s true.

It’s a matter of course that nobody hates Game of Thrones more than Game of Thrones fans. (“The first 97 seasons were crap-shit, but the last half of the last season was so great that my nerdgasms had nerdgasms!”)

Game of Thrones has possessed so many innocent souls, that the show should really be categorized as some sort of invasive species. That spawned from the deepest trenches of Satan’s bunghole. A bunghole made of broken dreams.

It is for this reason that I look forward to a future where Game of Thrones as a form of entertainment is relegated to the budget bin of Walmart or something.

Don’t believe me? Check out the ways below on how existence itself will betterize once the show goes the way of Seinfeld.

No More Hysterical Twitter Reactions

Aren’t you looking forward to a tomorrow that isn’t dominated by melodramatic Game of Thrones opinions that spread across social media platforms like an aggressive form of male pattern baldness? Cuz I sure as shit am!

“Seeing Aria Sterk bang her brother’s former dog owner’s gym teacher sucker punched me right in the feels!”
Me at the beginning of the latest episode of GoT:
Me at the end of the latest episode of GoT:
“My spirit animal is literally a combination of Sersi, Tire-iron, and Shaun S’now!”

Seriously, after viewers tune in and log on to make some Twitter noise, they collectively enter a state more animal than man. Other than Star Wars and Marvel movies, I haven’t seen a franchise so effectively turn its fanbase into a swarm of willful, overstimulated Hell-children.

No More Articles About Predictions That Don’t Come True

Game of Thrones has sure done a lot to keep the writers of Buzzfeed, Vulture, Screen Rant employed.

  • “Did the latest episode of GoT just predict more incest in the show’s future?”
  • “We just read tea leaves at Peet’s Coffee and figured out for sure who will die and who will just get slightly stabbed in the final episode”
  • “These are the top 5 GoT theories that have no chance of happening but are still being passed around by fans like a joint at a Doobie Brothers Reunion Concert!”

And of course, these articles make the rounds on Twitter, whose users react to them like screaming Justin Bieber fans, which only fuel the writers of clickety-baity articles, and thus, the Game of Thrones Circle Jerk of Life is preserved.

And No More Game of Thrones Fans Acting Like They’re Possessed By Hypersensitive Demons

Game of Thrones fans are so offended by people who don’t watch or those who criticize it that they’ll do anything to get them to join their cult of hyper-delicate viewers whose emotions are timed to the plot developments of the show.

Just check out the following probably-real news headlines about fans’ passion-frenzy for Adult Dragonhart:

  • “There’s a petition for HBO to remake the last 97 seasons of Game of Thrones to make fans more happy”
  • “Game of Thrones fans put on suicide watch en masse because of that shocking twist in the penultimate episode”
  • “Fans have some serious feelings about that incestuous dragon love scene”

I wish I could pull that last episode out of rotation like tearing out the last page of a mystery novel just to see fans go into ultra-withdrawals.


As you can see, the end of Game of Thrones is obviously the first step towards a peaceful, everlasting utopia of honey rivers, gumdrop snow, and rainbows that don’t have an “off” switch.

Think about it: once Game of Thrones is finally off the air, Republicans and Democrats will hug out their differences, global warming will die, and lactose intolerance will be a thing of the past.

Boy, I sure can’t wait for this horrible phenomenon to —

Wait.

I’m sorry, what’s that?

‘Game of Thrones’: George R.R. Martin says three spinoff shows ‘moving forward nicely’

HOLY FUCKING FUCKY FUCK, YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING — !!!

If you liked this story, check out my previous story on Game of Thrones silliness: