In Sackcloth and Ashleys
My Ten Minutes of Futility with a Comcast Customer Service Rep
“All they did was to guard the distant and invisible interests of distant and invisible masters”—Franz Kafka, The Castle
As humanity is all-too-painfully aware, Comcast is the “largest broadcasting and largest cable company in the world,” and Xfinity, its cable service and Internet arm, is the company’s largest division. Recently, my Xfinity Internet service bill increased without warning. Concerned that I might have been switched to a higher-priced plan without my consent, I reached out to their customer service using the their website’s chat feature. Here’s a copy-and-paste of my recent online chat with “Ashley,” edited to eliminate repetitious and boring stuff:
You: Hi Ashley. I’d like to save some money on my monthly bill, can you help me find the best deal?
Ashley: Thank you for being our customer! I can assist you with adding services or upgrading here on this website. To discuss lower priced options, please call our Customer Service Team for more information at 1–800-XFINITY (1–800–934–6489). They will be able to access your account information and see what options are available to you.
You: actually, I don’t need to add anyting, I’d like to find a cheaper plan. can you please help?
Ashley: I understand you are looking to reduce cost or manage your current bill. As a website product specialist, I have limited resources in accessing your account. To discuss alternative options, please call our Customer Service Team at 1–800-XFINITY (1–800–934–6489) for more information. They will be able to access your account information and see what best options are available to you.
……
You: hmmmm… do you believe that you are delivering me true customer service when you are unable to consult with me ensure that i am getting the best rate for my needs?
Ashley: I understand you are looking to reduce cost or manage your current bill.
Ashley: Generally, we can help here online. We just don’t have the ability to lower your pricing or change you to a smaller regular priced plan.
You: you didn’t answer my question. would you please answer my question?
Ashley: I apologize, however, we can not lower your monthly bill online.
You: You already told me that. I’m just wondering, do you believe it’s ethical to present yourself as customer service when you are unable to truly deliver it? I mean, doesn’t that sound dishonest, maybe even greedy?
Ashley: I understand. However, I only have a limited resources. I can only assist customers who are upgrading online.
You: Do you understand? can you show me that you understand?
Ashley: Yes, I do.
You: show me.
Ashley: Thank you for being a Xfinity customer! I’d be glad to assist you in upgrading to the best plan that suits your preference.
You: I’m starting to think that you don’t understand even though you say you do.
Ashley: I apologize for the inconvenience. Please try calling our Customer Service Team.
You: are you a robot or a real person?
Ashley: I am a real person.
You: what country are you in?
Ashley: I am from USA.
You: what state in the usa are you in?
Ashley: I am from California.
You: is your real name ashley?
Ashley: We are under the alias ‘Ashley’ for security purposes.
You: Who’s “we?” everyone in your service center?
Ashley: I apologize, however, that would be our Customer Service Team who can assist your further.
Ashley: Thank you for visiting Xfinity today. I hope you’ll come visit us again soon.
Ashley: Have a great evening.
You: wait. i have a question.
Ashley: You can call our Customer Service Team at 1–800–934–6489, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
You: I have another question.
Ashley: I apologize, however, I can’t give you any personal information due to our security and privacy guidelines.
You: i didn’t ask the question yet. you don’t know if it’s personal or not.
Ashley: Have a great evening.
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