Beep Beep, A**hole

If you had to know one thing I hate on the travel back home from school or from smoking, is the traffic. It’s hard to grasp what kind of factors causes traffic, but it’s really just common sense and it helps you understand traffic jams. I have a few observable factors. You may agree or disagree, but that’s for you to reply with in the “comments” section.

  1. Rush Hour

First in the list, probably the most obvious factor, is rush hour. It starts from 7 a.m to 9 a.m in the morning, and ends from 4 p.m to 6 p.m, according to the New York Times. It’s understandable that there might be moderate to heavy traffic at those times because people are either

a) getting up, “rushing” to get to work on time (how ironic)

b) getting out of work and “rushing” to get home

Then it dawned on me. Why in the hell do we, students and employees alike, get consequences for showing up late to class/work? We have no control of the traffic whatsoever. Sounds a little unfair to me, don’t you think? Then the higher authorities have the audacity to tell us to wake up even earlier… That’ll leave us more tired than we already are in the morning, and it’ll lead to poor work performance, all because YOU said to wake up earlier. Work schedules have to consider rush hour as well, or else it’ll just interfere with a smooth working experience.

2. Overpopulation

This factor easily follows the first one. You have massive amounts of people trying to go to work, school, drop their kids at a babysitter, or run some errands, all at the same time. That’s going to cause crazy congestion like a kid with severe nasal allergies. Nobody wants that, but it’s hard to resist sex/breeding, especially without a condom. Technically, you can say we caused this on ourselves.

3. Traffic Lights

On God, this one really grinds my gears. I’ve been travelling the same route from school or smoking with friends to notice how long the traffic lights stay on green for the cars to move. To see how long, you just look at the walk/stop signals parallel to the traffic light. I sh*t you not, the traffic light I go through (right on the Macombs Dam Bridge) doesn’t stay on green for more than 30 seconds, a traffic light that has to deal with an entire bridge jammed with cars. It got me thinking that they (whoever sets up traffic lights) should update their traffic lights to correspond/fluctuate with rush hours and normal hours. Or, add a camera, in addition to the traffic light, that scans for traffic and based on the input the camera gives to the traffic light, it’ll determine when the light will turn from green to yellow (when traffic is 85% cleared), then to red (when traffic is 90% cleared)*. Sounds complicated, I know, but if you read it over and really think it through, it’ll make sense….. eventually. (*- crosswalk signals also correspond to the traffic lights.)

4. Pure D*ckheads

Have you ever been on the highway, and you get stuck at a random traffic jam? Then when it clears, you realize it was because there was an accident and the drivers in front of you slowed down only because they were nosey? Yeah, it’s those people that cause traffic when there shouldn’t be. They have no self awareness. They have no idea that they’re carrying the entire traffic on their backs just because they’re at the front, and that’s exactly what causes traffic jams. The accident doesn’t involve you, so keep it moving. You can look as you’re driving the normal speed that doesn’t cause a hiccup in traffic.