My Future & I

My Future

Ever since I was young, I always wanted to look into my future with my mind. With every decision I make, whether it be buying new sneakers or trying to socialize with new people (which, most of the time, never works out), I always get a slight preview of the future that beholds with that decision. I may sound crazy or too complex, but hey, that’s just me. I like to know what I’m getting myself into. Or else, I’d just call myself a careless person, or optimistically speaking, a “go with the flow” type of person.

But, there’s always a future I imagine in my head, one where I’m happy. I wake up, eat breakfast, then have the rest of the day to do anything I want. It’s that last part that always gets me. That just makes me feel happy and satisfied, the fact that I have no other responsibilities throughout the day except to take care of myself. Notice how I didn’t mention having a job or money. Just me, myself, and I, and the option to do anything I want throughout the day without anyone stopping me or interfering with my actions. With a job, you sacrifice your own ability to control your life and how it works, in exchange for money. My life operates differently, and people consider me “different” because of it.

And I

What keeps me going in life is mental curiosity and satisfaction. That involves marijuana (surprise, Mom!), deep conversations (which I’m known for in the stoner life, although I’m not a pothead), and exploring what my mind is capable of doing and creating. The past few years, it’s been completely different. I’d always act on all my urges and mess things up with everyone that enters my life. It was only when I lost the only person I cared deeply for and loved immensely, that I had to take a step back and reevaluate my existence.

Now, that doesn’t just happen in a few days. It takes months, and you’re going to f**k up (I know I did). It’s just your body’s natural reaction to change. But persistence is key. I was so upset because I lost the only person I saw a future with, all because of who/how I was back then. And it was that exact thing I held on to, that helped me be persistent in becoming the person I am today.

Currently, I have no stable friends. Just a few that come and go. Do I want new friends? Of course I do. It’ll give me one more reason to wake up in the morning. People say you don’t need friends, but people can’t tell me what I need in my life. I know what my mind needs, satisfaction, and that covers a lot of things, friends being one of them. I have a few people who I have interest in, but the feelings aren’t mutual in anyway whatsoever, so there’s no point in trying to push those feelings into new levels.

I have to give a warm welcome to marijuana though. Society views this “drug” as bad, but every study out now, proves otherwise. I don’t know how many times I’ve thought of amazing ideas while under the influence. A small handful of articles I’ve written on here has been written while I was under the influence, but people only seem to worry about the fact that I smoke weed and not the fact that I’ve written articles meant to expand your mind and upgrade your mentality. I personally think marijuana is illegal because people know it unlocks your mind and boosts creativity, and they don’t want that to happen. That’s how they control you. People shouldn’t have control over what I put in my own body. That’s a human right on its own.

School is becoming less of a priority to me. Now you may be thinking “it’s the weed that has you like that.” That’s where you’re wrong. From day care to 12th grade (I’m a second-semester freshman in college now), the only materials that lingered in my life were basic math, history, science, psychology, economics, and psychology. Everything else I don’t even bother to remember because I don’t remember things that are useless to me. It’s just a waste of megabytes in my mind. I think that with the current knowledge I have right now, psychology outranking the others, I can survive throughout my life. People already consider me a smart and in-depth person, but I take it lightly because everyone is smart in their own sense.

I’m a complex and curious individual. I react corresponding to the energy you give off. If you give off a cool and calm vibe, then that’s how I’ll also be with you and I’ll consider you worthy of being around my vibe. But, if your vibe screams drama and constant f**k ups, that’s a no for me dawg. If you can’t match my level or at least try to, then you’re not meant to be in my life. Or else you’ll just be hearing me talk about s**t you can’t comprehend because your mentality isn’t on my level yet. I can gladly guide you to that level if you’re up for it, but it’s going to take time and effort.

-Joel

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