Suicide and Depression

Yes guys, this is a real problem. But, society likes to brush it off their shoulders and act like its nothing. I know, because I’m clinically depressed (mild phase). No one thinks of what I go through now because I hide it very well. But depression has become my best friend and worst enemy on lonely nights.

In general, when people tell other people that they’re depressed, they usually say “Oh, you’ll get over it. Don’t worry.” and that’s it. Depression can be a little phase we go through when we’re overly stressed or just have a lot of negative thoughts on our minds. But, it can also be a life long, mental problem. There’s just too much that we lose when we start becoming depressed. Clear thoughts, social life, sense of happiness, and the sense to understand.

Your clear thoughts are what trigger the other three. Once you start thinking things that you never thought you’d think of, it starts affecting your life severely. In this case, I’m talking about suicide.

Suicide is to Depression as AIDS is to HIV. Once you enter depression, suicide is the next step which can end your life at any moment. Sometimes you’ve just had enough of everything and things just keep getting worse or never go the way you want it to. People don’t see it, but all that actually piles up on top of us, and there’s no way to get rid of all that burden but to commit suicide. Now, you may be thinking “Well, why don’t you just sort the problems out one by one, Joel?”. Like I previously stated, we lose our clear thoughts and the sense to understand things, which makes it difficult to process things more logically.

For example, the past few days I’ve been so depressed that I’ve been losing my appetite, and yes, that’s one of depression’s symptoms, and my clear, happy thoughts. Everything has been going down lately, and when I start to continuously go down, I can’t see what’s “up” anymore. All I see is the dark fog as I continue to dwell deeper into depression. Today at work, I was just overthinking, again, another symptom, about my life and my social life, and I started to realize that I literally have no one. Not one true friend. I’ve lost trust in my family, and all I depend on for a glimpse of happiness is Drake and his music. Then, I started to tear a little because I just had enough of everything, but I had to hide it because of work.

I finished work, got home, laid in bed, and listened to music, when my mom told me to come open something for her. When I saw the object that she needed opened, I noticed it needed scissors to open it correctly. So, I went and got the scissors, and as soon as I touched it, suicide just popped up in my mind. I just stared at the scissors for a good ten seconds, wondering and wondering. I felt that it would be my only way out of everything. But, then I remembered when I first tried to commit suicide back in 2012, and all the thoughts of shame, stupidity, and regret, rushed back into me.

This is not a fiction, this is pure Joel. The raw and depressed Joel that writes articles and mini stories (as of today) and hopes that someone out there can relate to all of this. That’s the reason why I write. To pour my feelings out about things, then sit back and wait to see who can relate to it. Don’t be afraid to talk about things that you’re truly afraid of. I’m fearful of oblivion, which is another important reason why I write all this.