The Song that killed her dad…
I was tired and slumped on the bed to close my eyes a bit. This got my little girl concerned. Her dog just died and got buried. My eyes were closed. she came over and tried to pry my eyes open. “patay ka na ba daddy?” (are you dead, daddy?) she sniffed. I kept quiet. “daddy wag ka ng mamatay, kc ayoko” (Don’t die daddy, I don’t want you to) . So she kissed me on both cheeks and waited for me to kiss her back as she turned her cheeks to my lips. after the hugs of “recharge” didn't work, she did what she doesn't like doing. She had to sing her sad song…
Like a tiny mewling kitten, her little voice drew out,”daaaddddy, wag kang malulungkooooot, annnndito naman akoooooo, hindi ako aalisssssss, hindi kita iiwannnnnnn” (daddy, don’t be sad, I’m still here, I won’t leave you) and her warm tears rolled down my neck as she snuggled into me. I wanted to cry too so i decided to “come alive”.
“Ohhh, i feel better. Am alive! Thank you little tiger!”
“you’re welcome daddy! Yeeyyyy! Buhay ka na ulet!” she sniffled but her eyes were wide with a soul smile.
And deep inside I was thinking — was I doing something wrong? what if Ireally had to go someday and she tries to resurrect me and she fails and she blames herself? But it’s true that her hugs energize me — keeps me stronger inside. Makes me want to fly over mountains and lift cars and leap capital T in a single bound! So maybe, it is preventive medicine for dads like me.
I remember when they were all so small. I sang them all to sleep. With songs my own mama sang to me, with stories my own dad told me, with the same scratch on their back, with my own tunes and words…
And I wish that someday, when they have their own kids themselves, they will remember.
And the songs…
will never die.