You understand what a suggestion is, yes?
“I can only suggest things and hope that people can learn from my mistakes, and I certainly suggest having clear-cut guidelines laid out, pertaining to when exactly we’re “at play” and when we’re not, before engaging in each and every BDSM activity.”
I’ll never tell anyone what to do; I’ll tell them my experience and they can draw their own conclusions. This is a very important distinction to make.
It’s not that being in-character all the time can’t be fun and enjoyable, but it can also have a tendency to go very, very wrong, and we shouldn’t just assume that our partner is on the same page that we are, in this regard. I also wouldn’t suggest that cohabitating couples try to be “in-character” all the time, but that’s up to the consenting parties involved and again, is just a suggestion from my experience — which is all that I can share, I can’t speak of absolutes.
I’m actually supportive of consensual non-consent: if people want to establish something like, “Hey, from this point forward, any spanking, whipping, commands, and other kinky play is always on, never wavering, you’re officially MINE, understood?” and both or all parties involved agree, hey, have at it and have fun!
But, make sure you get consent, first. We shouldn’t just assume that because it’s okay to spank someone today with their consent, it’s also okay to just spontaneously spank them tomorrow without it.
I’ll compare it to the food rule. We share food in our house but, out of respect, there’s a twenty-four hour expiration date for all offers of food before we need to ask again. If my girlfriend offers me coffee, that offer is valid for twenty-four hours and then it ends. Spices and sugar, on the other hand, we’ve all agreed that we share at any time, at will. We replenish them as-needed. This is how establishing healthy boundaries works, only with food we’re doing it with amounts, in kink, we ought to consider that we do it with the timeframes when kink should be expected. I love my girlfriend, but I don’t want her showing up at a work function with rope and studded leather to surprise me, without clearing it with me, and I’m fairly certain that you can agree with this assertion.
These things can all be worked out within each dynamic, but I don’t think we should assume that just because something is okay at one time, it’s okay all the time. That’s often when things go very wrong and when things can lead to very abusive situations, ones which I can caution others to guard against.
Thank you for reading. I hope you understand I sincerely respect your views and opinions because it’s true.
