The Gettysburg Regress

Felt fitting

So I hear Trump is planning to speak at Gettysburg today. Surely for such a historic stage this will require the GREATEST speech ever. In wondering what, exactly, this might look like, I was inspired to put together some thoughts…

“Twenty score ago, our fathers (men, folks, not like that broad Hillary) brought forth on this content a new nation…the greatest nation. We had the greatest nation, didn’t we, folks. Conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. And let me be clear here, folks, when our founding fathers said men, what they meant was white men over 40 who owned land. None of this jihady radical Islam — you can’t trust them, no sir! And, by the way, what’s the deal with all of these Asians? And these Mexicans? We’re gonna send ’em back, we’re gonna build a wall, the greatest wall, folks.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war…A war waged by OBAMA. Oh, and let me tell you something about Obama, folks. I don’t know about you, but I’m not sure he’s even from America. I mean, have you ever even seen his birth video? I don’t know about you, but maybe we should send him, and all of his people, back as well? I don’t know, that’s what some people are saying. But there’s a war brewing, folks, a war waged by the low energy Hillary Clinton, and, well folks, I just don’t know if she can endure. But let me be clear, folks, we are met on a great battlefield of that war. 
Now with Hillary Clinton and Barack HUSSEIN Obama letting radical Islam take over our home, and believe me folks, these are nasty people. And Hillary and Barack, they won’t even say “radical Islam,” trust me. I wonder what they’re hiding. Maybe they’re radical Islamists? I’m not sure, some people are saying that, though. But anyway, with Hillary and Barack making radical Islam the official religion of the United States, we have people dying in the streets, folks. Everywhere we look, it’s mayhem, folks, absolute anarchy, brave patriots giving their lives against radical Islam (and the Mexicans, DON’T get me started about the Mexicans…they’re rapists, folks). And this nation won’t live if it’s up to Hillary and Barack, let me tell you. So, ya know, we gotta do this, we gotta build that wall, we gotta make America great again folks.

But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate…Oh, wait, and have I told you about the blacks yet? They’re killing each other, killing each other in the streets because they hate Hillary so much. This is LITERALLY the worst time ever to be black in the United States. It’s a really scary place out there, folks, really scary times. Maybe we gotta, I dunno, maybe we gotta just, ya know, put them on a boat and send them back to their home. I dunno, maybe they’d be happier there, free from Hillary making them kill themselves. I dunno, folks, some people are saying it, I’m not sure, we gotta do something. But, anyway, we cannot… con…se…crate…this is hollow ground, folks, hollow ground and hollow words from a weak, woman. A weak, nasty woman. And did I even tell you about Bill Clinton yet? That guy, he’s, like, he’s just gone up and grabbed so many women right by the pussy. He just does whatever he wants with his power. Like, I don’t know about you, folks, but I don’t think we can trust someone like him running the Whitehouse. And look, I brought Monica here today, brave Monica, to stand up to her attacker. And she brought her jizz covered dress with her. But, folks, Hillary Clinton and Hussein Obama have caused so many brave MEN to die, they’re dying folks, believe me, let me tell you. And they’re all so poor, nobody has any jobs. Hillary wants to give all of the jobs to ISIS. Trust me, she actually wants to take away all of your jobs and give them directly to ISIS. Consecrated. And she’s trying to make us poor, to take away our power, to detract from us. The world’s gonna remember, folks, believe me. The world is gonna remember when Hillary requires ISIS to come to the United States, then she’s gonna take all of your guns, trust me, she’s said this. She’s gonna take all of your guns, and she’s gonna give them to ISIS. And then she’s going to make radical Islam the official religion of the United States. And our borders are gonna be wide open. I dunno, folks, sounds pretty scary to me. And this is all literally what she’s said, folks, trust me. And the world will never forget Crooked Hillary what she’s trying to do. But that’s why I’m here, I’m your savior, I have all of the right ideas, folks. We have to work, and we’re gonna build a wall, a great big wall, let me tell you. So big, it’s gonna prevent those Mexicans from getting in, but let me tell you this. I haven’t told you this one yet. How do we make sure those blacks and Chinese and ISIS can’t get in? Well, folks, we’re gonna build an ocean wall. We’re gonna build an ocean wall, and it’s gonna be beautiful, folks. It’s gonna keep out everyone, then we’re gonna build a wall around Canada, too. Cause I just don’t trust them, I don’t know what they’re doing up there.

Let me tell you, folks, we’ve got a great task remaining before us… ISIS is killing people, they’re killing people in the streets. Millions murdered every day, and Hillary, she wants to increase that, she wants to make radical Islam required. Yea, believe me, folks, she’s dedicated to ruining our country, she’s devoted to it. And she, well, let me tell you, she doesn’t want to honor our dead, that’s for sure. Sure, she may honor dead radical Islam, but all our brave soldiers and police? I don’t think so, folks. She wants them all, let me tell you, she wants everyone to die in vain. Hillary Clinton is going to murder all of you in your sleep, so you better watch out, folks.. It’s time that this this nation, under god, the white god, folks, trust me. Not any of those brown gods, don’t worry folks, when I’m president, it’ll be clear which god is the real god, all other gods, I’m gonna get them, believe me. And freedom, freedom against ISIS and Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. Oh, and I forgot to mention, she wants to make abortion required. That’s right, folks. You think you’re having a baby and, nope, they just rip it right out. The white babies anyway, that’s what I heard. Only ISIS babies will be allowed with Hillary, she’s such a nasty, nasty, low energy person, folks, believe me. But don’t worry, folks, because we’re gonna govern for the people. Not the brown people, don’t worry, just the good, white ones. And we will make sure that the rest perish from the earth. Let’s Make America Great Again, folks.”