The Assumptive Close

the assumptive close

she be such a beautiful thing such a tease hanging there dangling half naked all oiled up glistening in the sun


like sunglasses spritz sprayed sending sunrays and rainbows randomly about

she says she whispers so sultry she say

ju ju baby sweet

ju ju

you got the voodoo baby

i like what you do baby

now don’t you want a bit of little ol’ me

c’mon take a bite of the apple just a little nibble lemme shimmy shimmy for you honey just a little bit from side to side jiggle jiggle wiggle wiggle


that feeling that tingling of almost about to close about to get ink on paper she is so very tempting so very much keeping my cock hard and spinning and

bobby dollars-in-his-eyes he say

leaning across the virtual table of space and time with all the veracity of offspring occasioned by tony robbins schtupping donald trump in a dark back alley in a lonely musty barn both silly drunk on the power lucidity of p t barnum maybe w c fields bobby dollars he say

dude dude dude

i’m gonna make you so much money gonna be raining benjamins all around you upon you we’re talking bentley baby

we’re walking along it’s

summertime in denver in d-town in mile high city

and the sun licks at us with the scratchy feel of a cat’s tongue

hot and coarse

and we scuffle along with the simplest of stumbling strides kick at the dirt as the dust it puffs up and around our ankles cootie clouds of dried clay dog shit and sand fleas swirling nipping feeding

the cool gurgling of the platte river maybe twenty yards that-a-way

it rained maybe an hour ago proverbial cats and dogs steers and queers but i wouldn’t have known it’s so dry out it makes my nose bleed

i’m huffing i’m puffing the altitude giving me burning lung syndrome little bumblebees deep inside my chest stinging me with every breath and now i’m topping off these elevation endorphins with a little kind green bud

getting righteous with jah and the religion of money

rain rain went away to come back some other day probably tomorrow just like bobby dollars-in-his-eyes he’ll always be back dangling dollars dangling covenants of cause of effect bobbing for bentleys

and he dangles denver

talking to me right here along the path right here don’t know where the water comes from don’t know where it goes the mighty confluence of the platte and cherry creek doesn’t want to be bothered this little coming together of two creeks to somehow make one somewhat smaller creek being sucked up and down about as fast as it can skip hop and jump on down the way

gotta admit i feel that way about denver itself as i inhale smoke and bullshit

ah colorado you have always been so boom and bust you have always been a constant dissonance

such a chimera

coors beer rocky mountain water

you are a land of collective collisions where the railroads cross where the plains hit the mountains where the twenty twos clip the prairie dogs where the cows eat the weed where the weed mellows the meth where the hippies and rednecks have interchangeable parts

where pecos pete runs in and the oxygen runs out

where upset explodes should one dare to call it a


even though

on rodeo day don’t you know they and i’m not entirely sure of the precise assignment of the they but on rodeo day they drive cattle right down the main road in front of union station i’m not talking a dozen or so cows i’m talking a dusty fucking john wayne chisolm trail herd of horned-up bovines

i’m just saying

tis the very fucking webster definition of cowtown

there was a herd of cattle in the middle of town and thus the label cowtown is well justified if not well earned

it’s not like i said they were all copulating with condors or fucking goats with gonorrhea in the street not even in the back alleys though when the good lord went to populating the area it does seem as if he just lifted that flat plate from des moines to dallas tilted it up gave it a little shake

and all them farm boy bubbas and barnyard bobbies rolled right on down into denver where they transmogrified into sneetches with and without stars upon thars where they either morphed into now generation hipster cowboy libertarian hunter ess thompson wannabes who listen to post-emo acoustical strum strum moan about love and paleo veganism

or into overly good looking overly healthy white people with very white teeth and an abundance of arrogance portrayed as confidence and a special fondness for red meat and greek yogurt

anarchist hipster or front range libertarian the primary distinction being the presence of facial hair or lack thereof


and the primary similarity being that they are all white i mean even the asians are white even the indians

and most of the time these tanned brothers fall into the front range libertarian crowd they don’t do well with the hunter ess thompson crowd

and i bite i take the bait the hook hold off on the line and sinker i travel back and forth across this great land for the opportunity to take another bite of the apple to suck once again upon the teet of disruption to wank my cock for the mere opportunity to gaze upon the potential

of whatever

and i do it for a year and bobby dollar-in-his-eyes takes me once a week to places in denver and he says

pointing here pointing there

best twenty four hour restaurant in denver best weed dispensery in denver best chinese food in denver

it’s the best it’s the fucking günz denver is baby

and i’m like


and one year goes by and i’m still like


bobbing for bentleys is so highly overrated here in this lovely burgh and i had to tell bobby dollar-in-his-eyes thanks for the memories

but it ain’t for me

i left my heart in san francisco and to san francisco i have to return i mean we got our own problems what with the high price of living and the homeless and the traffic and the garbage

but we got an ocean and i like that

and we don’t have a rocky mountain arsenal something about nerve gas i mean i would be getting all jiggety about that radium site something about arsenic radium thorium burn-your-balls-off-ium but it’s that sand creek industrial site and its

anthropogenic volatile organic compounds

makes my head twirl my confusion whirl my balls spin

not the only reason for not settling in there i mean it’s denver i’ve already suggested it’s a bit of a cowtown it could be san jose don’t get me wrong don’t take this the wrong way i know this is where everyone gets all defensive and pissy but like rodney dangerfield said in caddy shack

hey on you it looks good

Well, it ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe
 Even you don’t know by now
 And it ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe
 It’ll never do somehow

When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
 Look out your window, and I’ll be gone
 You’re the reason I’m a-traveling on
 But don’t think twice, it’s all right.