I’m Free.

I. AM. FREE.

That’s what I’ve been telling myself.

Then one day it happened, I burst into flames.

***

I had been a prisoner. Loyal to who I thought I was. Chained to who I thought I should be.

It’s easy to see now. In fact it’s well-lit.

It was almost impossible to see back then.

It was dark. I wasn’t looking.

I had my eyes closed.

***

You wouldn’t drive with your eyes closed. Would you?

If you’re not looking at the road you’ll cause an accident.

You’ll hurt people you don’t even know. You’ll make the road impassable for others. Everyone will have to wait on you.

We’ll have to clean up YOUR mess.

***

I’m sorry if you’re one of those people who had to clean up MY mess.

I know you have your own pot holes and fender-benders to deal with. Scheduled maintenance. Some minor touch-ups. A full-scale rebuild.

I never intended to distract you, let alone hurt you. I didn’t mean to be snide or short or snippy.

I was just unhappy with myself. I hit rock bottom. I took my eyes off the road. I took it out on you.

I’m sorry.

***

I was alive, I wasn’t living. Big difference.

I was simply existing.

I struggled to keep my head above water. I flailed my arms. Kicked my feet. I never made progress.

I didn’t drown.

Sometimes I wanted to.

***

I was living a life that had been created for me, not by me.

Shaped by the status quo and crafted by the constraints I placed on myself I set out to underachieve. I felt safe, so I settled.

Of course I didn’t realize it at the time. How could I?

It was dark and I wasn’t looking.

Just how I liked it.

***

I needed to turn my gaze inward, but it is easier to look away.

It still is.

But, we can’t hide from our true selves. If we’re going to make progress we have to go exploring in the places that scare us the most.

We have to free ourselves from the inside out.

***

We have to light ourselves on fire.

The fire will fuel our dreams.

It will illuminate our deepest secrets.

It will consume others and inspire them to take up their own torch. They will burn right along with us.

***

Mad people = People who stand alone and burn. I’m attracted to them because they give me permission to do the same. — Susan Sontag

***

Open your eyes.

Let this be your spark.

Light yourself on fire.

Do it for you. Do it for all of us. You’ll never know what kind of impact you can have.

Burn and be free.

***

the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars. — Jack Kerouac