Resilience Matters
Last week I was blessed to have the opportunity to go on KATU Afternoon Live to talk about the importance of raising resilient kids. I am huge believer in the importance of this trait and believe it is in the top three character traits we need more of in society today. I just finished a book called The Boys in the Boat, about the 1936 U.S. Olympic Gold Medal rowing team. It is an incredible story about resilience, teamwork and overcoming the odds. I was blown away by the things these young men went through as they lived through the Great Depression and unfathomable family tragedies. As I read the book I became mildly embarrassed about the lack of resilience I see in our society today as well as in myself.
Angela Duckworth, a famous psychologist from the University of Pennsylvania has done some tremendous research in this field. She has coined the term “Grit” which essentially represents perseverance and resilience. Her research with kids has demonstrated that Grit is a much higher indicator of success than social intelligence or IQ. She speaks about this concept incredibly succinctly in her famous six minute TED Talk.
Last year I also read a book called Resilience, by Eric Greitens. Eric is a Navy Seal who talks about the importance of resilience in society, how to train it in ourselves and others, and key lessons he learned in his time as a Navy Seal. Who better to speak on resilience than a Navy Seal?! Through my study of these books and TED Talks, here are my top three takeaways on how to build resilience in ourselves and others.
1. Praise Effort vs. Outcome
As a hyper competitive person, this concept took me years to integrate into my own psyche. This is not how our society operates and is not easy to reprogram. I never even questioned my initial training and wiring until when I read my first John Wooden book at 21 years old. John Wooden was voted by ESPN as the greatest coach of all time. He won 10 National Championships for UCLA’s basketball team in 12 years. Wooden knew how to win and proved it like no other coach in history. Yet Wooden was the master of praising effort, and not outcome. He coached his players to play their best and find satisfaction in their effort regardless of the outcome of the game. This mindset leads to resilience because it gives you the ability to find satisfaction in what you can control (your effort), vs. things which you can merely influence (the outcome). His philosophy on success can be summed up in his quote “Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming.” After 12 long years of reading his books and studying his work, I am finally convinced he’s right.
2. Develop a Growth Mindset vs. a Fixed Mindset
Carol Dweck is one of the world’s leading researchers in the field of motivation and is a Professor of Psychology at Stanford University. She wrote the book Mindset, and has done an incredible amount of research in this field. What her research has proven is that people become resilient as a result of their thinking. If you have a “growth mindset” you can accept failure and keep moving forward because it is not an eternal mark on your identity. Getting a low score on your SAT does not mean you are dumb, but simply that you have more work to do. People with a “fixed mindset” are much quicker to quit or never even try because failure can seem unbearable. When we view failure as a permanent identifier of our value and worth, sometimes it is easier to not even try, or quit early. I highly recommend her book for a much more detailed study of her work on this very important topic.
3. Believe in Yourself and Others
I have found that “belief” lies deep in the heart of all successful people. It is what gives them the fuel to keep going when they fail and what helps them get back up when they fall down. Deep belief in someone else is one of the best gifts we can give them. I can’t tell you how many times I have come to the brink of quitting deeply meaningful things in my life when times were the toughest, only to hang in there by a thread because of an encouraging and genuine word from someone who believed in me and saw my potential. As former NFL coach Jimmy Johnson once said, “Treat a person as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat him as he could be, and he will become what he should be.” Give the gift of belief to yourself and others, because the world is in desperate need of more resilient people.
There are dozens of ways to become more resilient, and this blog is simply the tip of the iceberg. I believe this character trait is an essential one to living a thriving, impactful and significant life. It is worth focusing on I am sure we all have a long way to go. Let’s grow together!
Dream Big. Act Small.
Joey