start choppin

i had the thought today that i don’t always have to be a dilettante. I was thinking about all the cool potential i had — and yet here i am squandered. i can still listen to all the music right? and read all the books? and see the movies? i have always been if we’re being honest lazy. and when i had the opportunity and i find it much easier to coast on what it is i already know and what i can bullshit. so maybe that’s the first thing i should work on in this new year — stop being lazy. i have maybe been the least proactive person on earth for the majority of my life. maybe i can get hypnotized to cure that?

i turned 38 yesterday. i do not feel 38. i don’t think i look 38 but yet here we are. i look at people i went to high school with and i see that i don’t have their life and i am really okay with that. i am not entirely keen on my life but i don’t want to be a yuppie either. i never bought into that whole thing. maybe for a second or two but only thinking that it would up like one of those dystopian middle class bullshit movies a la american beauty. like there was a time in my life that i thought that’s what i wanted. what a lame fucking goal! it’s only been in the past few years where i realized i don’t have to be unhappy. it doesn’t make you more honest or any such thing. i blame kurt cobain for that.

goals?

  • get in shape
  • figure out what i need to do to get my teaching certificate
  • read write watch more
  • take time to enjoy the good moments and be aware.

i’m cooking Parmesan pork chops. i’m listening to the Replacements.