“man wearing white fedora hat” by Jack Finnigan on Unsplash

Negativity, Gossip, and Naysayers

These are like the 3 deadly horseman in life!

They are coming after you and it’s a battle that can sometimes be extremely difficult to win! Studies have been done recently to show that negativity is shown to form the same functional properties as addiction!

WHAT?!

It makes sense!

Have you ever met someone that no matter what you say there is always a negative comment. It’s almost like they are addicted to being negative. They can’t break the loop.

Gossip is the same way. It reminds me of the book The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz. One of the agreements you need to make with yourself is to always be impeccable with your word. That means no gossip! That’s tough since people LOVE chit chatting about other people behind their back.

And don’t get me started on naysayers. There are doers in this world and then their are naysayers. They are the ones trying to always bring down the doers. Not on my watch. I love the haters and naysayers. If I have haters and naysayers it means I’m actually making a dent in things!

These three horseman can be a drag on your day. We all have them in our lives.

Can you identify a couple horseman in your life?

What’s interesting is that the people who decide to go down the path of one the 3 horseman or maybe all of them, have been driven by their inability to lower or release stress.

Most people are negative, or gossip because they are stressed out to the max or unhappy with certain things that are going on currently in their life. So they proceed to try and bring others into that reality.

As stated in an article by Dale Partridge, “Excessive stress creates a sensation of overwhelm. When people become overwhelmed it can ignite what is called the “Hole in the Soul” syndrome where people think, behave, and believe they are insufficient to meet the standard demands of life.

As their stress escalates, these feelings of inadequacy begin to expand while their positivity begins to shrink.

If you struggle with negativity, keep listening!

A negative mind will never get you a positive life!

Complaining and negativity is EASY! The problem is, the more you do it, the easier it gets as your brain loves things that are easy. So the more you complain or go down the negative Nelly or Nancy path, your brain actually branches out those neurons to make it easier to compain next time.

Sometimes there is just a simple biological reason for all those complainers out there!

In an article by Dr. Travis Bradbury he states: “Repeated complaining rewires your brain to make future complaining more likely. Over time, you find it’s easier to be negative than to be positive, regardless of what’s happening around you. Complaining becomes your default behavior, which changes how people perceive you.”

And here’s the kicker: complaining damages other areas of your brain as well. Research from Stanford University has shown that complaining shrinks the hippocampus — an area of the brain that’s critical to problem solving and intelligent thought. Damage to the hippocampus is scary, especially when you consider that it’s one of the primary brain areas destroyed by Alzheimer’s.

Whoa…..this is some heavy stuff! I need some positivity to get me back in line!

Here is my positive bomb:

Everyone reading this right now is absolutely amazing and has some extreme value proportions to add to the world!

Ok….back to the juiciness…

So how do we solve this?

Of course one method is to just avoid negative people. But what if you find YOURSELF going down the negative path, gossiping or complaining?

Well first step is one that is pretty obvious in our world today but still not used as much as it could:

Gratitude!

This is negativity’s kryptonite.

As soon as you hear yourself complaining or being negative, STOP and think about what you are grateful for in the situation. Think about the abundance you have! Do you have your health? Are there others around you that are positive? Be grateful for mentors you have in your life! Be grateful for breathing clean air! I don’t care….just be grateful for something!

This has been proven to reduce stress! It’s the number one thing to combat negativity!

The next thing you can do before you start to complain or be negative is to start with the positive and be a solution orientated person.

For example, if there is something you have to address like a bad experience at a restaurant, start with a comment like, “the server was absolutely amazing and I have really enjoyed this place in the past but the food today was a bit undercooked.”

That is a way more eloquent way to give some feedback vs. just going for the throat.

A couple more tidbits to either avoid the 3 horseman or to prevent yourself from engaging in these deadly activities.

1.) Stop watching the news and delete anything in social media that is negative. Those things will suck your soul our and bring you right into the gutter.

2.) Write a list every morning for all the things in your life that you are grateful for

3.) Stop using negative words! Replace can’t with can, won’t with will, no with yes, tired with excited, and frustrated with understanding. This will help immensely. It will take a bit of work and awareness but it will do wonders for yourself and the people around you.

4. And as I spoke about last week, do something fun everyday! This takes hard work sometimes to actually plan it. Go to a restaurant, grab a beer, go to the gym to get the endorphins rocking, take a hike, plan an afternoon delight! I don’t care….but it needs to be something you enjoy!

Negativity, gossip, and naysayers have no spot in my life! And they should have no spot in yours either! Take some time and reflect on your own life and actions, if you are that person, time to take some steps to get out of that funk!

The more positive you are, it’s amazing how many more opportunities present themselves in ways that you never imagined!

Stay positive, stay frosty, and grind on!

JT