Day 1 of an everlasting series of failures

I want to share this story and daily post for my own accountability and maybe you will reflect with my story to find similarities that can help you.

Briefly, and certainly for my own recap what has driven and distracted me in the past 30+ years:

• Tried to quit smoking off and on, stopped for years when we had kids
• Problems with alcohol, quit drinking almost 3 years ago
• Multiple startups and job changes
• Change is my big motivator and I drift off very quickly (job, relationship, tasks)

It all started with my son being diagnosed with ADHD. This really made me reflect on my own life and I realized that my behavior and actions since childhood followed a pattern of self destruction and possibly undiagnosed ADHD.

So the past is the past and let’s give this another try. Moving forward is the only solution because every time I get caught up with thoughts about the past, destructive behavior floats back.

Two thoughts of guidance:

• Relapse to old and self-destructive behavior usually doesn’t happen with the actual act (i.e. lighting a cigarette or taking a drink) — it is the actual pattern that leads to this point. A pattern that accumulates little by little until we have no choice of relapse and go back to old habits. So I want to build a proactive system of daily habits that counteracts the force of accumulating negative pointers that lead to this inevitable point of deterioration after a period of improvement.
• Delayed versus instant gratification: I am very much driven and focused on instant-gratification - like my 3 year old eating all his candy at once and ending up with a stomach ache. I will try to change this through: 1. Yoga and daily meditation to show myself how my practice and postures improve over time and 2. work on my business idea in a slow and steady manner — teach myself that things don’t happen over night. In other words, get back my self-discipline.

So let’s get started with the first day recap:

I got up at 5am, which was pretty easy because I was excited about the run, yoga and reading. Let’s see how long I can maintain that excitement! My goal is to transform the excitement into a habit.

After 90 min of reading and yoga, I made lunch and breakfast for the kids and ran 6 miles to work. This was an excellent bad habit breaker because I had no other choice than focusing on my destination. Also, I started with a Keto diet — a friend tried it to help her with ADHD symptoms. So far, overall great feeling of self esteem and energy.

At the end of the day, I am tired but it feels great to go through a day with discipline and get things done without that nagging feeling of some addiction. It also builds immense self confidence and even after 1 short day, there is a feeling that I can control my own destiny.