Creating intimacy starts with Fear

Johanna Marie Pfab
3 min readOct 8, 2021

Learn how to use the unknown power of fear in your life to create deeper levels of intimacy.

Photo by Sandra Seitamaa on Unsplash

What is holding you back to say what you want? to ask questions? to get in touch with a particular person? to truly share intimacy with another person?

Fear !

Yes, Fear is holding you back to say what you perceive and what you want. Fear stops you from trying anything new, anything that is out of your comfort zone. Fear is holding you back to dive into the intimacy you are deeply longing for. The good news is: there is a way out of the grips of Fear. I did not say a way out of Fear. Nothing can defeat and overcome Fear because Fear will never go away. The way out is through Fear itself by making your fears conscious.

« If you can not navigate Fear, you can not navigate Love » Clinton Callahan

Fear is holding you back to show who you truly are. Because you are afraid of being truly seen by a person, you have created throughout your life a lot of strategies : you have created different kinds of masks you can put on your face, you have created different tons of voice. You have create a personality that protects you from being seen authentically as you are and from being vulnerable.

Conscious Fear has subtle and fantastic treasures for you.

When you are with someone, use your conscious fear for saying what you want and for sharing things that you are actually afraid of because exactly this makes you vulnerable and being vulnerable is an opportunity for intimacy. Being vulnerable requires you to sit with your conscious fear and stay there while being in connection with another person. To make your fear conscious, share why you are afraid of being in a relationship with that person. By doing that, your fears become conscious fears and you don’t have to keep that somewhere in your mind, emotions, or energetical field.


Connect with Fear every day for a week by talking directly to your fear and say “thank you fear” at the end.

You: “Hello Fear. What do you have for me today?”

Fear: “I am afraid that if I don’t publish my article today, people will think I am not reliable.”

You: “Thank you fear, what are you telling me then?”

Fear: “I am telling you that you can tell your friend you are not available to go out now so that you can finish this article.”

You: “Thank your fear.”

Experiment 1

With your friend/partner create a space to share about why you are afraid of being in connection with them in their four bodies (physical, mental, emotional and energetical bodies). Start your sentence with :

“ I am afraid of being in connection with your physical body because …”

“ I am afraid of being in connection with your mental body because …”

“ I am afraid of being in connection with your emotional body because …”

“ I am afraid of being in connection with your energetical body because …”

While each person admits more and more of their fears, those fears come into their own consciousness, so that they become conscious fear.

Experiment 2

Use your fear to create a “dangerous” conversation. Here are some help to start with :

« I want to have a conversation I have never had »

« I want to know what you want… »

« You are important to me because… »

« I am important to you because… »

Notice while you are having this conversation, how you are with your fears. Notice what resulted from this conversation.



Johanna Marie Pfab

I am in service of the Transformational forces for Humanity to Be Love. I offer coaching, training (Rage Club, Artists' Processes) and mentoring.