Self Development Is Bullshit (The Actual Truth About Success)
During my time as a dating coach I’ve met tons of guys that are obsessed with the idea of finding a girlfriend. Nothing too terrible about it.
a grand majority of those guys are really damn desperate about this situation. It’s like finding a decent girlfriend would make their life complete. This one guy that I knew had only one goal in mind, which was to work just so that he could support his yet non-existent wife. No goals, no ambitions, no desire to change the world and enjoy life, just that one petty drive that drove him to get a degree and study maths along with other subjects that he shared deep hatred for.
Chances are that you’re one of those guys. Luckily, I’m here to tell you that approaching this matter from this specific mindset will fuck up your chances of ever finding a girl that’s right for your standards and deep desires.
Having the need to do something will put our minds in a state, where we start to think that we’re not enough. We start thinking that in order to be complete we need something external, such as a girlfriend, to get there. What this belief does is reinforce that idea of “I’m not enough right now and I need to do something with my life in order to be good enough.” This is what most of self-development consists of these days. We’re constantly comparing ourselves to our idols, seeing ourselves on that scale of greatness, measuring every single coin or pound and therefore making assumptions.
“I need to lose 5 more pounds and then I’ll be hot.”
“My girlfriend is okay at the moment, but if she were a little bit hotter then I’d feel enough.”
So on, so on and so fucking on…
It’s an endless rat race, since after completing goals we tend to always find new, bigger, greater goals. Therefore, we’ll never feel like we’re enough right now and happiness is always in distant future. Even by getting to that distant future we’ll find another future that’s better than the situation we’re in right now.
Fix your inner need of needing external stimulus in order to feel enough. Fix your desire to be loved, have expensive things or to bang lots of hot women. Fix your “need”. It’s all about where our deeds are coming from. If we need to do something, then we’ll feel like life right now is bullshit. But, if we tend to accept our current state as it is and hammer in the fact that we’re good enough right now just as we are, then we’re able to go after those cool things such as luxury cars and hot actresses without being dependant on the outcome. We’d start doing things not because we need to do them, but because we want to.
The difference between “need” and “want”. Pay attention to these two words very carefully.
In success with women, if you need to find a girlfriend, then the girl can sense that off you, therefore becoming unattracted to you since you’re not that high value man who would be okay with himself just so as he is right now. Fix your inner need to be good, understand that life is perfect just the way it is, and then work hard on your goals since it’s progress is just too much fun!
A much more important question we should ask of ourselves is whether the things we think of being success are really what we imagine them to be. Is success just being rich, having a great supporting family that will help you get through tough times? Or maybe it’s being the greatest in your own field, just as Lionel Messi or Christiano Ronaldo? Maybe success is understanding the laws of the good life and then living up to them? Maybe it’s all about personal enjoyment and having great experiences to share with the upcoming generations? What the fuck is success?
Success is predictable. It’s not something that takes years to figure out. Simply look at successful people, whether you’re looking at someone who’s doing the things that you’d like to do or has embarked on the journey that you’d like to adopt for your own life as well, and then just use the basic principle of copy paste. Look at their lifestyle, their daily rituals, their biography of how they got started, what they did, how they did it, why they did those things the way they did them, what was necessary and what was redundant and a waste of time, notice how you could shorten your own learning curve by avoiding their mistakes, and then get to the same level of success much sooner. To me, as a pickup artist, I learned from the best of the best. Owen Cook, Vince Kelvin, Julien Blanc, Jeff Allen and many other were my mentors, each teaching a different side of seduction through their own lenses, telling me what they have come across to be right. I looked at their lifestyle, the downsides and the upsides of it all, how their advice differs from everyone else’s and what could I do to optimize my learning curve and create my own personal style as a combination of my past experiences and the teachings these professionals of their own craft had put up to share with me. You can almost never learn to know about the full picture if you’re only gathering advice from only one person, because what are really the chances that the person you’re learning from has all the right answers? Really fucking slim, ain’t they. This is why we should learn from multiple sources, see the world through different perspectives and create our own reality of which supports our way of life by offering us the best quality of life. Open mindedness is a rare trait to have, and yet it’s the basis of many grand achievements that our history has ever known. How could you learn anything if you believe the source to be something it very well could not be? How could you take anyone seriously if you believe yourself to be the smartest guy in the entire city? How could you even begin to understand a strange and complicated concept, if you already have accumulated different negative opinions of the other that’s about to teach you? Labeling things duo to our own perspective that can very easily be bullshit, is something that we all do, and probably never stop doing, yet something that we should most certainly diminish in our lives. Everyone has their own perspective in life, be that true or not, helpful or not, smart or idiotic, and as long as we do not learn to accept it, the chances of actually succeeding in understanding them are almost none.
The principles of success are simple. Hard work done in a smart way. Cut out all the bullshit that does not help you to reach those highs that you so crave for, and spend all your time, not just your free time, but every single bit of your time towards making that dream come true. Going out to play pool with your buddies might not be the most optimal thing to do if your ambition is to invent a new groundbreaking app and do it as soon as possible to avoid the competition getting in your way. Yet, cutting out all the relaxing stuff you’ll risk burning out and being out of the game for months, if not years even.
Even though hard work is essential, taking breaks and knowing when to quit to preserve energy for next battles holds the same value. Many of us even sacrifice sleep in order to get ahead in their endeavor, and then, later in life, pay the ultimate price of shortening their own lifespan, lowering their life’s quality for a few dollars more. Everything we choose, we must give something up.
Think of it as a trade.
Junk food for carrots and smoothies, long sleepless nights that will permenately harm your system to complete a task faster. It’s all a big trade, which we are making without even realizing every single day, and not just once. Our lives are full of choises and the quality of our life, whether we become successful, rich, fit, happy or anything for that being, is in the hands of our daily trades, what we choose to let into our lives and what we cut. Life is what we make of it.
Originally published at myrealdating.com on May 12, 2017.