How Emotional Vulnerability On Social Media Can Depolarize Society

It’s common knowledge by now that social media rots the soul. Scientific studies support all the anecdotes: likes, followers, upvotes, subscribers — to our brains they’re all hits of dopamine. Our perception of peoples’ lives is distorted by layers that each social media platform adds, which is difficult to reconcile with reality. And in trying to preserve the moment, we sacrifice it.

Even as we discover more of social media’s threats to our psyche, it’s not going away any time soon. The people who responsibly manage their social media use will always be outnumbered by those who don’t regulate themselves. You can avoid the direct negative effects on your brain, but you’re still operating with and alongside the majority of people who are constantly online. Social media has restructured society itself, and there’s really no escape.

But I don’t think there needs to be. I think there’s a way to adapt to these online tools and bring balance to social media. Given we’re always online, we’ll always write statuses, tweet, share images, upload videos — create “content”. And since we won’t stop creating content, I think the most effective remedy to our social media ills has to do with changing the kinds of content we produce.

Social media tends to filter out uneventful or negative moments, leaving us with feeds and stories where we’re the funnest, prettiest, and most inspiring. In principle there’s nothing wrong with this positive content. But as much as we want to share top life highlights, we also crave the catharsis in getting things off our chest.

Although a lot of social media’s harmful effects are commonly attributed to oversharing, I’m not sure where the problem lies exactly. Is it in the oversharing itself, or in the oversharing of a particular kind of content — happy, inspirational, picture perfect moments? Is social media depressing because we don’t feel sufficiently validated in general, or because we don’t feel sufficiently validated for our true selves, which we’re hesitant to share publicly? If we could be validated for what we’re scared to post, would social media still be depressing?

In the past few years I’ve seen more and more people open up online, usually on Facebook. Snapchat and Instagram are heavily image and video based, so content consumption is usually quick. Same goes for Twitter; it’s text based, but there’s a character limit. Facebook is tied to people’s real names and identities, and allows people to explain themselves in depth, usually in the form of the ‘long status’. It’s a paragraph (or a few) that explains one’s thoughts and feelings about topics ranging from problems with relationships and life direction to opinions on social dynamics. This blog post itself is technically a long status that I linked to Facebook.

A wall of text gives friends a detailed description of something complex that can’t be summed up by a few emojis and hashtags, and it’s often very engaging and thought-provoking. If it’s long enough, it also lends some gravitas to the matter. It’s easy to scroll past newsfeed trash that doesn’t deserve a second look, but a paragraph of text catches the eye. Someone actually took the time to formulate complete thoughts, so maybe it’s worth reading.

Long statuses often turn into heartfelt discussions or philosophical debates, and it’s in these online interactions that I learn the most about people who I don’t already know well. People engage honestly in good conversation that makes for a wholesome thread. They may be sitting alone behind their computers, but while typing out their sympathies or disagreements, they’re present with each other.

It’s important to note that despite all the heart in these long statuses, fundamentally they’re still attention-seeking and self-validating. No matter how real you’re being, you’re posting for others to see. And again, I think that’s fine.

Seeing as how Facebook algorithmically creates bubbles of like-minded people and opinions, what I’ve noticed might be localized to my own newsfeed. I’m an open person who tends to make friends with other open people, and most of what I enjoy and engage with on the internet is people being brutally honest about how they view the world. So it’s a possibility that I’m seeing this recent trend towards more substantive discussion because Facebook has figured out my preferences. It might even be a function of age. Facebook status updates are pretty old school by now, and maybe older people are more open to heartfelt exchanges on the internet. This pattern I’m noticing might be artificially specific to me.

But I’m seeing it elsewhere, too. I’m sensing a slow shift in the social media world towards more authenticity. Consider these trends:

1. Teens have their main Instagram account filled with typical ‘life is good’ posts. But many also have private accounts, finstas, that are deeply personal and talk about insecurities and life problems.
2. Many Youtubers post their polished videos on a main channel, but also have a vlog channel on the side with more intimate, slice-of-life moments. It’s a “behind the scenes” look that goes beyond their online personality.
3. Podcasts have blown up as one of the largest forms of consumable media. In stark contrast to traditional media, which is often short, attention grabbing, and sensational, podcasts allow for more nuanced, long-form discussions. People feel more comfortable opening up and being vulnerable on hour long podcasts than they do on segmented and commercialized outlets like live television.
4. Mental health has entered the national discourse. Even celebrities are beginning to open up about their problems on social media and are encouraging others to prioritize and promote wellness.

We yearn to be understood in our entirety, imperfections and all, and we’re seeing that more and more on the internet. Being vulnerable helps people understand each other on a deep emotional level, and I think this can help depolarize society.

Consider your close relationships to those who are very different from you. If you took some of your friends’ and family’s political beliefs and personality problems, put them into a random person, and met them on the street, you might not like them. Knowing people well makes us more forgiving of their character flaws. We care about our friends and family because of a deeper empathy that lies beneath the acidic atmosphere of conflicting values and political opinions. And this foundational layer of emotional understanding is built by conversations that dig into struggles and insecurities. It’s built by vulnerability.

By opening up on social media, we can improve our online ‘relationships’ like we do our real ones. It’s a positive feedback loop. The more you see others being honest about their hardships or unpopular opinions, the more comfortable you feel doing so yourself. And the more vulnerability is normalized on social media, the easier it will be to train our reactions to be empathetic by default. If we get used to emotionally relating with our friends and family on the internet, we may naturally grow to become more understanding of people online who we don’t know.

So the next time we read something that pisses us off, we might remember that it comes from a person with their own problems and struggles that might not be too different from our own. This might lead to more productive discussions that uncover new perspectives and actually change minds. Everyone has common ground. It just takes a little digging to find it.

Thanks for reading! If you have any thoughts, leave them below. And if you liked this, please give some of that sweet sweet validation by clicking that clap icon like 30 times.