my reply in [bracket]
“rather than recognizing it foremost as a real creature with its own little finite life, we set ourselves up for heartbreak.”
[Even though we accept the fact that the person we love has a finite life, we’ll still be broken-hearted when they passed away.]
“Life means loss, but love means lightness. Love means unleashed.”
[Life doesn’t mean loss. Life comes first, then loss.
Life is bigger than loss.
There is no loss without life. No hole without a wall.
Wall is bigger than the hole.
Love doesn’t mean unleashed. There shouldn’t be a leash in the first place.
If there is no leash, how to unleash?
~ wisdom of johnronand]
“Too often we focus on the second bullet and deny the reality of the first.”
[How to focus on the fragility of life without admitting the loss of life in the first place? We can’t. We call life fragile only because we accept the fact that life will stop existing, either prematurely, accidentally or eventually.]
“We foster anxieties and fears over “losing” our partner, of them “leaving” us. We deny ourselves the full potential of happiness.”
[The fear of losing our partner is inevitable. When something bad happens near our partner we’ll fear. There’s nothing wrong with fear. What is wrong is the obsession with that fear, thus instead of focusing on loving them, we focus on retaining them. Or jailing them, in some horrible cases.]
“And how love is always a loose hold and never a tight one.”
[Someone said it’s like holding sands. It will slip through your fingers if you hold it too tight or too loose.]
“By clinging, we initiate suffering — if we don’t get the object of desire we suffer; if we do get the object of desire, it will ultimately change or fade away, and we suffer.”
[“By clinging, we initiate suffering”. So what if we suffer? That’s what makes us human. Only those without feeling do not suffer any emotional loss. The point of life is not to avoid suffering. We don’t cling, not because we are afraid of suffering. We don’t cling IF clinging affects the growth of the one we love. Like messing up his business schedule.
See how well you summed it up in the end:
“it means appreciating each day as though all we have is here and now, rather than trying (futilely) to protect ourselves against them leaving.” The point is not protecting yourself against suffering.]
“We want to defend ourselves against threats to our desire, physical and psychological, and so we cling more tightly.”
[We can also defend ourselves by distancing ourselves from the one we love, for the fear of losing him/her.]
“We let them fade away, and we’re okay.”
[First, because we’ve gotten used to it. Second, because we can’t do anything about it. Third, because we thought it will rise again tomorrow. Imagine being the person who has to leave the solar system. Won’t you be sad saying goodbye to the sun for the last time?]
“To love them is to leave them to the universe.”
[Only IF “their” universe is kind. Children in Japan are very independent because of the low crime rate. You can’t raise children in high crime rate area the same way. We know there’re a lot of rape cases in some places in UK targeting white girls.]
Lastly here’s a paraphrasing [because I’ve forgotten the exact quote and too lazy to find it] of a quote from Kahlil Gibran:
Let lovers love like trees in the jungle and pillars in the hall, with space in between.