John — these feelings are so common among people who have lost someone to suicide, but please know…
Lily Benson

I ended up the hospital 30 days later with what turned out to be stress reactions. I did the “survivors of suicide” group for a few months, and it was somewhat helpful. And I met wit ha counselor for about 6 months. I will never be able to give up the idea that I could have changed the outcome. Actually, I DID make a difference: I got him to go to the hospital once a few weeks earlier, and I flew to Scotland to be with him the last 2 weeks of his life. I never felt so helpless in my life (and I told him that.) But I also think I could have done much more, I could have taken it with more gravity, and I feel so bad for things unsaid, opportunities missed. I had no idea the kind of impact it would have on me. It’s been almost 3 years and I still struggle with it almost daily. Sorry for rambling on but sometimes I need to.

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