One positive note is that while you have spent a lot of time around the Church and Christianity, you obviously never were saved. The odds of you actually having encountered God and actually knowing Him and then walking away from the faith is very very small. So in a sense, this is good news both for you and the Church. Good news for you because it means you are not in that truly damned state of the apostate Christian for whom there is no longer hope of salvation. Good news for the Church because that means there still remains the possibility you will one day come to a saving faith and return to the fold.
In your writing you point to a lot of the things you’ve seen and experienced while among Christians that are simply wrong. Instead of trying to defend the indefensible or even try to convince you of the correctness of traditional, Bible-based orthodoxy, I will simply point out one truth. Christianity is not for perfect people; it is for people who know they are in need of a savior because they do not measure up to even a basic standard of goodness and righteousness. Because the church is filled with flawed, imperfect people the results are the sins you see in the midst of the assembly.
The Bible teaches “There is no one righteous, no not one” for a reason and does not exclude the saved from such a pronouncement. I may say that I am righteous on the basis of Jesus’ righteousness being attributed to me by faith, but righteousness is not a characteristic you would ascribe to me apart from God. So it is with everyone who proclaims themselves a Christian. The only thing that actually improves a Christian’s character and behavior is close association with God and His Word the Bible. As the Bible is no longer highly esteemed in the church any more, we do not see its effect on improving the general standard of holiness among believers. Where we do see the Bible studied seriously and taken to heart, we see it improving people in character and deed only imperfectly on account of our flawed human nature.
Like you, I came up through the Christian system and came away very underwhelmed by what I experienced. However, unlike you I also encountered the Living God along the way, and that makes all the difference in the world between one who walks away from the people group called the church and one who remains a Christian out of devotion to Jesus Christ in spite of the Church. Some day you too will meet with Jesus and you will have a change of heart – your mother’s faith practically assures it. I just hope you do so before you cause yourself much grief and lasting sorrow.