Fan fiction by someone who’s never seen: Game of Thrones
Nope. Never seen it.
I’ve heard it was good and that a lot of people died in it. Also, dragons and winter is coming/has come? The only knowledge I have is from a few talk show interviews, a video about a videogame based on the show and a video promo I accidently let play as I was cycling through Youtube videos on car repair and why I was so bad at it.
So, as a fan of things on television, I thought I should join in the fun and write my own fanfiction for Game of Thrones, even though I’ve never seen it.
We open on a cold pre-winter day in Westroast:
Josh Snow looks across a barren wasteland of bodies on fire. “Winter is coming, men,” he says ominously to his army of White Walters. The lead Walter points into the distance. “Dragons!” he says to Snow. “We’ll all be destroyed!”
A dragon army suddenly cut a path through the rising smoke, sending waves of fireballs into the remaining groups of White Walters. “It’s time we showed the dragons who the real king of Westroast is. Everyone to their falcons!” Josh Snow commanded his army.
The shrieking of a thousand falcons echoed across the battlefield, each wielding a sword of a thousand arrows. The Walters yelled in unison and flew toward the dragon army for the massive showdown.
Suddenly, the giant Snow Queen and that guy who played the short guy in the Elf movie started kissing and shooting magic bolts at the falcons. The short guy ran into the battle and attacked Aquaman before he knew what was happening. Aquaman’s head flew off and landed on the Throne of Iron Swords. “It’s all just a game, Aquaman,” he said.
The fighting intensified and the rage continued to build. Gandalf ordered the catapults to start launching the secret ooze into the sky. “If only winter was here!” Gandalf pondered. Before he could react, the dragons attacked his position, annihilating the catapults. Gandalf’s magic necklace was shattered and his old body suddenly turned into a young man made of ice. The casualties continued to mount.
Josh Snow had had enough. He summoned the gentle giant Hoarder. This battle had to end and Hoarder was the man to do it. Hoarder charged into battle, expelling soundwaves from his armor. The dragons began to drop from the sky, turning into dust upon contact with the ground.
The White Walters joined in with Hoarder and used their magic screams to cut through the dragon’s hearts. The battle was finally beginning to be won and the forces of evil seemed to be defeated. True, the guy from Elf had defeated the mighty Aquaman, but at least the Dragon Girl Queen wasn’t there.
“Any sign of the Dragon Girl Queen?” Josh Snow asked the White Walters, communicating with them using magic. The White Walters stopped screaming and landed their falcons.
“Wait! There she is!” The White Walters said. “Where are her clothes?” Josh Snow cried out. “The dragons like naked girl queens,” was the reply. Without warning, the short guy from Elf and the Snow Queen shot the Dragon Girl Queen through the heart with a lightning sword. The dragons began to cry, filling the battlefield with hot dragon tears.
All of the bodies, including Josh Snow’s, were instantly destroyed, but something tells me that this isn’t the end for the Iron Swords, seeing as Winter was here.
