I have this strong, burning hate for a question I’ve been getting a lot recently. It’s no surprise that I would hear it due to my recent engagement. "How long have you and your fiancé been together"? Seems like a silly question to hate because it’s so common and appears harmless. In fact it can even be argued that it’s a caring question. In my opinion 9 times out of 10 that question will never carry any sincere care behind it. Here’s why. Their response to my answer has always been "that’s not that long", "well that’s long enough", or "some people don’t need to be together that long before they know". This question upsets me because this answer gives you little to no insight of what my relationship is like. A number or a quantitative response will not tell you anything about the quality of my relationship. On the contrary I’m completely aware that those whose marriages are longer tend to represent strong relationships. There’s only one problem with comparing a long marriage to a typical relationship nowadays. People my age tend not to date for marriage but for the experience and don’t follow the biblical principles for courtship, but that’s another story. I’ve seen people date for years and years knowing they don’t want to marry that person and having no intentions to marry. Most long relationships that don’t end in marriage were comfort relationships. Defined as a relationship minimally maintained because the void of it would cause too many problems that interrupt both parties daily life. Then you have the dangers of couples who live together because it’s convenient or seems right and breaking up would leave one person homeless. People say they need to live with a person before they really know if they can marry a person or you don’t know someone until you marry them. That’s an expression of lack of faith in a relationship. Considering all of that the question only causes me to think you honestly don’t care, but you would feel rude if you didn’t have a follow up question to the news of my engagement. Now if you follow it up with questions that require content then the question becomes validated. I have never received "what is your relationship like" as a follow up question. Very rarely do I get "why do you think she is the one" or " why are you so certain". I completely understand why people don’t ask that because some would think that’s too invasive and personal. I would rather we become comfortable with asking invasive questions than being complacent with empty answers.

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