The first couple of times I got this question it shocked me and I didn't know how to feel nor respond. Now I get it. This concept of keeping the spark lit in your relationship. It really is lit (I'm really corny). Now I'm not an expert on this topic because this is something I still struggle with, but I do believe I have some insight on key elements that could help people my age specifically. People tend to gravitate towards those who look like they know what they're talking about.

My perspective comes from being an engaged 21 year old male. As a male it is my main duty to always show my girl that I am in constant pursuit even after I already have her. The pursuit never really ends because effort should always be made to show how much I want her. Technically she could slip away at any time if she feels unwanted or thinks her relationship is producing dry fruit. Psychological women think differently than men and don't have the same role as men in relationships. The man is the leader whether you agree or not. This notion does not at all hint towards him having more power, knowledge , or income than his significant other. This statement is to say that the man should not be passive in the relationship. With a passive man comes a lack of romance and pursuit. The woman should not be the one putting in all the effort, which is a lot of what I see today. Netflix and chill is not a date just a monthly subscription. If your first date consists of Netflix then he's still a little boy and her expectations of you are not that high. Now if it's just hanging out then that's okay. Once you've been dating someone for a while then staying in and watching netflix is fine, but don't let that be excessive or an excuse of spending time with her. Netflix can be a parallel to any date that doesn't require much work, isn't much of an experience, and doesn't truly allow you two to get to know each other.

Dates just aren't the same anymore in this generation. Most people my age peak at a dinner and a movie. Habits form fast and what you allow become the habits in the relationship. It's a lot harder to break a habit than constantly have a higher standard for romance. The hard part about dating is that you want to experience new things with that person to create memories and learn more about them. If you've dated many people in the past then that makes creating those experiences much harder. That's not to say you still can't create new memories, but from my experience you really want to have those firsts together for a stronger bond. If you think a relationship is all about what you gain then your spark will die fast because your perspective leans more towards what you want instead of what she wants. You're then less likely to go out of your way to do special things on days besides holidays, her birthday, or when she's mad at you. Relationships are a huge platform for creativity, expression, and thinking out of the box. They can be seen as a unique creative outlet that you can't find or create in any other space.

Having a good balance between going out and staying in is very important. There are a lot of in house ideas that are still romantic and creative. Cooking a candle light dinner with her favorite love songs playing in the background. Things as simple as buying her favorite dessert when you go grocery shopping. Random massages are always a nice suprise. Not only are they affectionate but they alleviate stress and honestly make your day better. Maybe you two have a common interest such as fitness and you could work out together. Turn on some music and just dance together. Never be afraid to make a fool of yourself in front of her. Maybe you two like to paint or play buyable games. The list goes on and on, but these are a couple of ideas to get your brain going.

Then comes the simple yet very important small things. Always remembering to tell her how beautiful and important she is to you every once in a while. Words of affirmation are huge to many women. It doesn't take much, but expressing how you truly feel can be the hardest part for many of us men. If you feel something then express to create a stronger relationship. Don't leave her guessing and uninformed on how you feel. Actions do speak louder than words, but often words are much clearer paired with these actions. Another huge one is showing affection. This can be through holding hands, holding her, and cuddling. Even when you don't want to show as much affection as possible.

With all these things considered if you actively pursuit in such ways and it feels forced or artificial then it might not be the right person or the right time. As college students often times we don't have the finances nor transportation to do what we want. That's the biggest barrier for college relationships and why they feel so routine. Timing is very important because you could be with the right person at a time where you aren't ready to match what they bring to the table.

The greatest three rewards I gain from my relationship are always having support and encouragement, seeing others tell me they're inspired by what we have, and being able to create a strong team. If anyone has any input, suggestions, or tips please comment or message me.