Begin with the End in Mind — Part 2
Personal Reflections and Fear Dissection
I often write about how ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ has impacted me
The book provides a wonderful foundation for living a principled life
Yet, the real impact comes not from reading about, but living the habits
Incorporating these concepts, these ways-of being into our lives is not a Quick Fix
It is a lifelong progression
There is no finish-line, only the pursuit of improvement
Each day provides a new opportunity to growth, evolve, and struggle forward
Today, I want to share my own struggle with one of the habits:
“Begin with the End in Mind”
In the last article on this topic, we discussed the impact that creating a Person Mission Statement can have
Just like living the habits themselves, there isn’t a finish-line
This document is a forever work in progress
While I have seen the value of my own Personal Mission Statement, I find myself struggling with other parts of “Begin with the End in Mind”
I will use this opportunity to solicit feedback, ideas, and alternative perspectives to my own stream of consciousness
(Note: This turned into a more expansive stream of thought that I anticipated)
When I use the phrase “Now I recognize” it is to indicate my brain jumping from one thought to another
While there is some sense of flow, you can see that my thought-process is not a linear progression
There is some semblance of sequence and relation, but prepare to jump around
I begin with the recognition that I am terrified by the possibility of a pre-determined future
The idea, that despite my actions, what is bound to happen, will happen
Perhaps this is my own desire to feel a sense of control?
My mind questions, “What is the point of existence if there is no choice”
Now I recognize that part of my perspective is shaped by a fear of responsibility
Perhaps even a fear of accountability
A sort of push-back against expectations
Now I recognize that I have a fear of expectations…..
What if I create expectations that I no longer want to pursue
What if I do want to strive towards expectations and fall short?
Wouldn’t that label me as a failure?
Maybe fear of expectations is really just fear of failure?
Now I recognize I am also terrified of making the “wrong-choice”
Of going down a path that leads to a place I want to escape
I fear that if I am so far down this path, there is no escape
In a sense, I am very, very afraid of getting stuck….
Another perspective
Now I recognize I am “afraid of wasting my time and energy”
I feel strongly that our energy, our attention, and our time are our most valuable resources
So it may follow, that if I commit these limited resources in order to travel down a certain path, and I find myself in a destination that I do no enjoy or feel proud of….
MAYBE I AM AFRAID OF HATING MYSELF
MAYBE I AM AFRAID OF “WASTING MY TIME”
Now I recognize I am “afraid losing my capacity or capability to make decisions”
Which ironically, is where I find myself in the first place
Struggling with an inability to make decisions!
And as a result, standing still….
As I type this out, I am also hearing another side of things
That nothing is really guaranteed
That maybe the way I end up hating myself, is by doing nothing?
Perhaps, this also brings to light the realization that my own ability to be compassionate to myself may be lacking?
That there might be distorted perspective shaping my view
Again, as I type this out, a part of me wants to run-away from my own thoughts
These are quite uncomfortable realizations
Do these fears even make sense?
Fear of PreDeterminism
Fear of Making the Wrong Choice
Fear of Getting Stuck somewhere I don’t want to be
Fear of Hating myself or my life
Fear of Losing my Ability to make a choice
Fear of Making No Choice at All
I can see how this does build a model, a sort-of cycle, which circles around indecision
In order to break through and adjust the cycle, I need to face these conflicts and fears
To do so, I will attempt to break each of them down
I will attempt to dissect the following thoughts:
Fear of Making the Wrong Choice
Fear of Getting Stuck in the Wrong Choice / Fear of Failure
Fear of Hating myself because of my choice
Fear of losing my capacity / capability to choose
Making no Choice: Standing Still
I will start with this:
Fear of Making the Wrong Choice
In a sense, it seems as though my own fear of PreDeterminism may not be as over-arching as I thought
It may be more that I have a fear in my own ability to change my choices
For some reason, I feel that the choices I make are going to be permanent
It feels like I need to go back and read my own writing, on the lack of permanence in life
Isn’t it interesting, that when we take time to sit down and really focus on a problem, we start to see the paradigm differently
In this sense, perhaps I am not as opposed to Beginning with the End in Mind as I thought
Fear of Getting Stuck in the Wrong Choice / Fear of Failure
My fear of getting stuck is connected with my fear of making the wrong choice
And they both relate to my fear of failure…
Who really determines if I am a failure?
Previously, I would give that agency up to other people
What would my friends think?
What would my classmates think?
What do my parents and family members think?
All of this outside scripting was determining how I made decisions
Talk about an Outside-In approach!
When I break it down, it is not really a fear of failure
It is a fear that OTHERS will SEE ME as a failure
That I would “feel like failure” if others saw me that way…
I don’t think I was really contemplating what it would mean to consider myself a failure
Because when I ponder that, the two routes to failure seem more clear
One, not trying
Two, trying and making choices to appease other people, rather than doing what I know is right
This shall now (and has now) become my new definition of failure
Fear of Hating myself because of my choice
This connects with what I mentioned about regarding self-compassion (or the lack thereof)
I can be very hard on myself
Being kind to Jack is something I continue to work on
I can see effects:
The more self-compassionate I am, the less likely I am to get stuck in this bubble
When I look further into the thought itself, it is not that I would hate myself because of a bad choice
I would find fault with myself for remaining locked within a choice that no longer served me
It is one thing to make a mistake, mistakes should be expected, no one is perfect
But to remain bound by our mistakes is a separate choice
And one that deserves self-examination
I would hate myself not because I made the wrong decision
But because I gave up my agency to move past it, to make the next choice, to move forward
Fear of losing my capacity / capability to choose
I can see now how this fear is generated — just look at my previous thoughts^
And this seems like a much more reasonable concern than that of making the wrong choice
If I allow myself to become captive to previous mistakes, over time I lose my agency
Over time, I lose the power to make decisions
I would be operating with a scarcity mindset, damaged, defensive, dependent
What a pitiful paradigm!
While I do not wish to wind up in this bubble, I can see where and why this concern comes into play
Making no Choice: Standing Still
This seems to be the most valid fear
Yet, I can make a solid case that as to why I should avoid it
I can understand why I could find comfort in standing still
There is no choice made, so no chance of being wrong
I can point to external circumstances, scripting, and influences to lay blame
As a victim, I am protected from looking in the mirror
There is no possibility of seeing something I don’t like, if I refuse to look at my reflection
Here is the problem with this thinking:
Truth exposes Fear
Fear cannot hide from Truth
And the truth is, that is not the type of person I want to be
So while my mind may try to make the case that standing still is the most comfortable outcome
My heart knows that this is exactly what I should be afraid of….
Standing Still
Remaining Stagnant
Failing to Achieve my Potential
That to become the best version of myself, I must let go of my other fears
That the Fear of Standing Still, is in fact the Ambition to Achieve my Potential
To be the best Jack I can be
If you are still with me, congratulations, I applaud your patience
I feel like I am still barely with myself!
The Jack that started writing this is not the same one who finished it
And I hope that this internal dialogue can give you a new perspective
How do you question your own thoughts?
How to do you investigate your own fears?
It is incredible what we can discover in the process is drilling into our Paradigms
The exercise itself forces us to examine the glasses we have on
Question your thoughts
Investigate your fears
Dissect your assumptions
You never know what you will find, unless you try
Thought of the Day: 07–09–2024
