RunAway Thinking
We fuel the fire?
Much of my writing comes as the result of my own reflection
This is especially true when it comes to mental health
It is hard to be open and vulnerable about some of psychological battles I’ve faced
And it is difficult to be candid with the ones I continue to face today
Yet, I believe there is a power to vulnerability
It allows us to connect with others on subjects where we feel isolated
And by opening up about our own suffering, we find that we are not alone
Others are struggling with the same problems
The circumstances are unique, but when we start to share the authentic version of ourselves, we see that we are much more in connected than we are apart
One thing I struggle with is All-or-None Thinking…
I can blanket the world into polarized perspectives
Good or Bad
Black or White
Happy or Unhappy
Success or Failure
And as looked into how this process plays out, I realized something
My default way of thinking is not All-or-None
Most of the time, I see things from the bigger picture
I know that most of life exists in grey areas
I think of myself as someone who can see different perspectives
All-or-None thinking isn’t my default frame of reference
It is triggered by my reaction to something externally
And as I really broke down the process, I it became clear to me
The External Trigger that starts the All-or-None Thinking process isn’t responsible for the stress and distress it creates
Even in situations that are genuinely upsetting, the outside force isn’t the source of our pain
It is how our mind perceives that pain, and the narrative we create from it
I believe that RunAway Thinking is a better way to define this process
Because we do not just arrive at All-or-None Thinking….
The process that led us there, is RunAway Thinking…
The pain and distress All-or-None Thinking creates,
Is itself the product of Internal RunAway Thinking
All-or-None Thinking (also known as black-and-white thinking or dichotomous thinking) is a cognitive distortion where individuals see things in extremes, with no middle ground or shades of gray
This means they categorize experiences, people, or outcomes as completely good or bad, with no recognition of the complexities in between
I started working on a diagram of how it feels when this is happening
First, there is an external trigger that starts this whole process
It could be bad news, a request I was not expecting, seeing something externally and relating it to myself in negative way
Whatever it may be, it my focus begins to narrow
All of a sudden, I stop seeing the larger picture
Whatever has just triggered me is now consuming my mind
And this seems to be happening without my consent
I don’t wish to find myself distracted by whatever it may be, it feels like I can’t help myself
I then tend to find myself manufacturing this “sense of urgency”
“If I can just resolve whatever this issue is, things will be okay”
There is pressure to focus solely on this one thing, and let everything else wait
I can feel my body’s Fight or Flight mode beginning to kick in….
(And at this point, it likely already has) …
Here, it seems I have lost my objective sense of reality
Externally, I may not fully show it, but my mind is running wild
My perspective is distorted, and now everything seems to be a threat
THIS IS WHERE I have realized that my RunAway Thinking gets away from me
The real source of distress is no longer the external trigger
The RunAway Thinking itself that is causing the pain
It is as if the external trigger is a tame flame, a small, controlled burn
It has the potential to turn into a Fire if I let it
But not without my permission
RunAway Thinking is Jack fanning that fire’s flames
It happens when I take an external force, and allow myself to become consumed with stress
At this point I am focusing narrowly on what upset me, and the fact that I am now upset
Because my perspective is distorted, I am not seeing beyond that which I perceive as immediate threats
This is referred to as tunneling, or tunnel vision
It is a cognitive distortion or thinking error characterized by an extreme narrowing of focus on one aspect of a situation, to the exclusion of other relevant information
As a result, I scan my environment for evidence that this RunAway Thinking is Justified
I look both mentally and physically for confirming evidence that I should continue to FreakOut!
Mentally, both the past and the future add Fuel to the Fire of RunAway Thinking
My imagination creates worst-case scenarios based on fear and worry
I recall memories of previous painful experiences to rationalize my RunAway Thinking
More Fuel….
Physically, my heart rate is rising, as I feel so nervous and worried
I think to myself, “I SHOULD be freaking out, look at how my body is responding”
More Fuel….
At this point, whatever the external trigger was, is truly just a trigger
The real source of my pain is self-inflected
It is by adding Fuel to the Fire that we cause the most damage
It is not “I don’t have control” that causes the most pain
It is “I don’t have control of myself” that is the true sense of harm
The real battle is internal, what our minds are interpreting
How can we catch ourselves in the midst of this process?
Well, I find that it is better to stop at any point we can
In a perfect world, we catch ourselves before we even fall into RunAway thinking
The reality is this is a habit that has been developed over many years
And rescripting ourselves to respond differently takes time
We are bound to wind up in RunAway Thinking again, but can we continuously improve the pace at which we catch ourselves?
Let’s try that again….
How do we catch ourselves adding Fuel to the Fire?
And how do we stop doing it?
I admit, there is a very heavy amount of cognitive dissonance to overcome in making the following realization
In the moment, we have to say “Hey, I am the one hurting myself now, no one else”
Naturally, we look to externally identify danger, so we can “defend ourselves”
It feels quite out of sorts to consider, “Maybe I am the cause of my own danger”
So instead, we spiral
We revert to RunAway Thinking
We add more Fuel to the Fire
The cycle continues
Okay, but you still haven’t told me what to do about this….
Thankfully, we are capable of change…
It doesn’t have to be this way…
We can ReFrame our perspective
We can slow down, cool down, calm down, breathe
We can figure out how to put Water on the Fire
The Fire of our habitual RunAway Thinking needs oxygen (fuel) to spread
If we remove the oxygen, the fire is not going to spread
Here are some of ways I find helpful in combatting my own RunAway Thinking
(Yes, I realize these may not all be accessible in the moment)
Acknowledging it!
As silly as it sounds, saying aloud to yourself,
“A-ha! I am starting to RunAway with my thinking”
Saying and hearing this can often provide the awareness we need to stop Fueling the Fire of RunAway Thinking…
We can recognize our thoughts for what they are, merely thoughts
They do not have to exist as the threat our mind thinks they are
In doing so, we not only become self-aware, but we take back agency for our own response
Physical Exercise
A walk outside, even a short one around your building can give you a different frame of reference
If you have the opportunity to take a longer jog, I have found that once past the initial 10–15 minutes (wall of resistance) there is an extremely calming sensation
Bonus points if you can do this outdoors
Mindful Breath Work
Mediation, or simply intentional breathing
We rarely take time to focus on our breath
In becoming mindful, slowing it down, we can calm ourselves down
We really can control how much oxygen we give that fire
Practicing Self-Compassion
This one is still new to me, but I find it very helpful (when I can remember it!)
Often, when we catch ourselves in a negative habit, we tend to beat ourselves up for it
“Why can’t I ever control my thinking” is an example of negative self-talk we might not even be aware of
Instead, provide yourself with some much-deserved compassion
“Hey, this is a hard habit to break. And it’s okay for me to feel frustrated. But I should also give myself some grace. I may have started to fuel the fire, but I did catch myself!”
There are many other ways that we can ReFrame and ReOrient ourselves in the moment
It takes intention, practice, and effort, but it is possible
The most important part of creating internal change is starting!
What did we learn today?
That All-or-None Thinking doesn’t just appear out of the blue
Most of us engage in the process of RunAway Thinking without realizing it
We Fuel the Fire by searching out confirming evidence that validates our anxiety
Without realizing it, our thinking itself is doing more harm that whatever initially triggered us
This process feeds on itself, until we are able to break out of this negative cycle
But We CAN break out of this cycle, and there go-to ways to ReFrame our Perspective
Once we become aware that we are harming ourselves more than anything else, we have to power to course-correct
If I am the one inflicting the harm, I am the one with the power to free myself from it
I hope this perspective is helpful in understanding All-or-None and RunAway Thinking
If you’ve found it helpful, please share this writing with a friend
