John C. Welch

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Feb 23, 2017 · 8 min read

So thanks to Susan Fowler sharing her (completely unsurprising) story about what life working at Uber is like, and it getting so much play from various people (especially the dynamic duo at Pando who have been talking about this, literally, for years.), the reactions have started, and can be split, generally into two parts, both equally idiotic. Uber feigning “shock” over this, because “that’s not who we are” and either Uber or others doing the “It’s not just Uber” routine.

I’m shocked, shocked to find that in a whorehouse, people are getting screwed!

So let us look at the response from everyone’s favorite objectivist, Travis Kalalnik, the high bro himself. First, his two-part twitter response (combined):

What’s described here is abhorrent & against everything we believe in. Anyone who behaves this way or thinks this is OK will be fired. I’ve instructed our CHRO Liane to conduct an urgent investigation. There can be absolutely no place for this kind of behavior at Uber.

Then his longer response sent to Business Insider:

“I have just read Susan Fowler’s blog. What she describes is abhorrent and against everything Uber stands for and believes in. It’s the first time this has come to my attention so I have instructed Liane Hornsey our new Chief Human Resources Officer to conduct an urgent investigation into these allegations. We seek to make Uber a just workplace and there can be absolutely no place for this kind of behavior at Uber — and anyone who behaves this way or thinks this is OK will be fired.”

And finally, this “internal” memo (come on folks, this was always designed for release.):

“It’s been a tough 24 hours. I know the company is hurting, and understand everyone has been waiting for more information on where things stand and what actions we are going to take.

“First, Eric Holder, former US Attorney General under President Obama, and Tammy Albarran — both partners at the leading law firm Covington & Burling — will conduct an independent review into the specific issues relating to the work place environment raised by Susan Fowler, as well as diversity and inclusion at Uber more broadly. Joining them will be Arianna Huffington, who sits on Uber’s board, Liane Hornsey, our recently hired Chief Human Resources Officer, and Angela Padilla, our Associate General Counsel. I expect them to conduct this review in short order.

“Second, Arianna is flying out to join me and Liane at our all hands meeting tomorrow to discuss what’s happened and next steps. Arianna and Liane will also be doing smaller group and one-on-one listening sessions to get your feedback directly.

“Third, there have been many questions about the gender diversity of Uber’s technology teams. If you look across our engineering, product management, and scientist roles, 15.1% of employees are women and this has not changed substantively in the last year. As points of reference, Facebook is at 17%, Google at 18% and Twitter is at 10%. Liane and I will be working to publish a broader diversity report for the company in the coming months.

“I believe in creating a workplace where a deep sense of justice underpins everything we do. Every Uber employee should be proud of the culture we have and what we will build together over time. What is driving me through all this is a determination that we take what’s happened as an opportunity to heal wounds of the past and set a new standard for justice in the workplace. It is my number one priority that we come through this a better organization, where we live our values and fight for and support those who experience injustice.”

Along with mocking laughter, there’s another proper response to this:

Bullshit

That’s what this all is. Bull. Shit. Bullshit. Two words.

Bull.

Shit.

Bullshit.

For the doubters out there, let us recap Uber’s behavior:

1. It has relentlessly exploited the hell out of its drivers, unsurprising since Uber’s ultimate goal is to fire the lot of them.
2. While decrying backroom deals, Uber spent a lot of time in backrooms making deals.
3. Not only did it lie about where Tips went, (hint: not all to the drivers), but when sued by the drivers for lying about tips, Uber’s defense was that the drivers have no standing, because Uber was lying to passengers, not drivers. It’s not that Uber wasn’t lying, they just weren’t lying to drivers. Wrap your head around that bit of ethical legerdemain.
4. When an Uber driver hit and killed a six-year-old girl, Uber tried to deny culpability because? While the driver was logged into Uber, he didn’t actually have an Uber passenger in the car.
5. Uber has fought tooth and nail against having to do proper background checks, and when that fails? They just lie about it.
6. As part of it’s “We hire veterans” program, Uber partnered with a company already under investigation into subprime autolenders. Said company then started violating the SCRA by illegally repossessing the cars it had wrote the loans for to veterans.
7. Uber’s (and to be fair, Lyft’s) claims of reducing DUIs is bullshit.
8. When Uber was caught lying about getting rid of surge pricing, it…blamed journalists.
9. Senior Uber Executives proposed a “fair game” campaign against “unfriendly” journalists, calling out Sarah Lacy from Pando by name. (note: the exec talking about this was not fired.) Then after saying they’d never do anything like that, they got busted doing that sort of thing.
10. The examples of Uber’s corporate-level relentless sexism, even misogyny are almost too numerous to catalogue.
11. Oh, and Uber shits on disabled people too.

The idea that somehow, what happened to Susan Fowler is some kind of aberration, that it’s “not Uber” that Travis Kalalnik doesn’t run that kind of company is literally at odds with year after year after year of data.

The company Susan Fowler wrote about does reflect Uber’s actual values, it is the kind of company Travis Kalalnik wants to run. Like every company, Uber is a reflection of the people in charge, and just like Theranos and Elizabeth Holmes, there is one person in charge at Uber: Travis Kalalnik. Everything right or wrong with Uber has a short, undotted line to him.

Now, lets be clear: the evidence of years is unarguable: Travis Kalalnik cares about exactly one thing in this world: Travis Kalalnik. He’s yet another objectivist who thinks that anything he does, any means he takes that moves him closer to his goal of being richer and more powerful than anyone else on the planet is good. Uber’s motto should be “My ends justify the means”.

Every single shady-assed action Uber has taken has the end goal of making Travis Kalalnik more rich and more powerful than he was yesterday. Uber’s attitude towards drivers is an example, and if the people working for corporate like Ms. Fowler was think that Travis won’t fire them out of a cannon the instant he can replace them with AIs or cheaper programmers overseas are so preciously delusional that I could just pinch their widdle cheeks.

Uber right now is acting like Rhett Butler’s story about the thief about to be hanged in “Gone With The Wind”; he’s not sorry he was stealing, but he’s terriby, terribly sorry he got caught. Same thing. Travis Kalalnik could not, either physically or psychologically, care less about the people he and Uber have, are, and will trample on. He just is put out that they won’t accept their proper place beneath his boots.

The thing that Travis doesn’t get, (along with basic human decency and ethics of any form) is this saying I learned decades ago in the Air Force while Travis was barely out of short pants: You can delegate authority, not responsibility.

Ultimately, everything that happens at Uber happens with his approval and knowledge, again, the evidence for this is not small. You can’t be not just a dick, but a micro-managing, control freak dick, and then when it turns out, (SHOCKERS), that your company is just as dickish as you are, act like you’re surprised, because how could such a thing possibly happen.

Anyone surprised either by what Ms. Fowler went through, or that such behavior is endemic and systemic within Uber has not been paying attention.

You can’t scold me for kicking a puppy, Billy kicked a baby!

Then there’s the other response:

It’s not just Uber!

Okay, come on, really? That’s your response? You find a goddamned house fire like Uber, and you blow it off because other houses have also burned down?

That’s the logic a small child uses to get out of trouble. Literally. It is literally the “well, all my friends are doing it.” excuse. It is an excuse that we would not accept from a child, and yet, grown-assed adults are not only trying to use it, but other grown-assed adults are accepting it.

HAVE WE ALL LOST OUR MINDS???

It doesn’t matter that it’s happening elsewhere. In fact, that should be seen as even worse not mitigatory! The rampant sexism in SV should make Uber’s story more appalling, not less. And yet…”Well, it’s not just Uber”

Oh, and I have zero faith that anything will change at Uber. They’re announcing all kinds of blue-ribbon investigations and panels and Travis is getting so woke he may transmute into a goddamned Organian, but six months from now? Nothing will have changed.

Why?

Because you know who’s being silent?

The only people with any power over Kalanik: Uber’s Investors. Why are they remaining silent? Because unless this causes Uber to completely crater, and it won’t, the money they will make off of Uber’s eventual IPO will be so large, they can buy an island made of money, in a money sea, with a money wall high enough and thick enough that they’ll never have to hear another peep from all those nattering nabobs of negativity.

That’s why I’m saying it now:

I TOLD YOU SO

(much thanks to the thankless work Sarah Lacy, Paul Carr and the other folks at Pando have done over the years to try to point all of this out. I know I don’t count in the scheme of things, but I at least noticed. It’s a large part of why I subscribe to Pando, and you should too.)