Do you make a habit of going through everything trying to find issues that aren't there? Honestly at the beginning it just seems like you don’t think anyone who has an opinion you disagree with should allowed to be represented in the advert. How would you feel if people started saying your views shouldn't be represented because they’re stupid and wrong. You wouldn't like it if you were told your opinion was so wrong you don’t even get your right to freedom of speech.
This is an advert designed to not be too long, they didn't have time for all the problems you wanted in the advert, or anyone else. They picked a few, and to be honest they didn't need Racism. You seem to be dismissing the other problems as inferior to the way overdone difference of Racism. Maybe they wanted to discuss a few different issues for once.
Although maybe a bit on racism might have helped, you certainly haven’t been able to get offer your own prejudices: “ I had to pause the commercial at this point to go and rewatch the Pepsi ad, just to recalibrate my capacity for white bullshit.” or did you forget racism works both ways? I don’t see what “white bullshit” has to do with what was obviously supposed to be about sexism.
“ I only continued because I convinced myself that the sista’ might bash a Heineken bottle upside dude’s head. She let me down.” so you believe that people shouldn't be allowed to express any opinion that you disagree with without suffering violence against them? A major theme of this advert was being a better person and discussing your differences, but apparently you prefer oppression of those who have different options to you, ironic really.
I could say more but I think I’ll finish my 5–10 minute keyboard warrior session here. Hoping you can respond to this with reasonable debate and not the sort you put in your article.