Growing into myself and becoming more Independent

Plants gorwing into themselves. Photo by Diego Geraldi on Unsplash

This is the story of how I learned to have patients and at the same time I learned that I didn’t need other validation to make myself feel better. This took place around 3 years ago with my favorite cousin from that time. We used to do everything together and that’s what I thought it seemed like. I thought it was us doing everything together but in reality it was her using me for my company and whenever it was convenient for her. She was my favorite cousin while her favorite cousin was our older cousin who she would leave me for in a heartbeat, let’s say we have something planned and we have an agreement for going to that place, if our other cousin makes plans out of nowhere she would desert our plans and go with our other cousin. In the past from where I learned patients and where I don’t need others validation is when she had made me seem like the bad guy in our family and would make false stories about me and this is where I would learn to control my frustration from the lies and accusations from “my favorite cousin.”

A mindset that wants to do something then you’ll achieve the goal is called Grit. Grit is critical to have especially while learning, having grit means you would want to learn or want to strive to get to your goal accomplished, while not having grit means that you won’t try as hard. A growth mindset allows the individual to grow and expand their knowledge and eventually learn the subject or the lesson, as long as you have a growth mindset you will be able to expand on your knowledge. Based on Carol Dwek’s experiment I think that the children with the growth mindset did better because they believed that they’re able to grow out their knowledge by trying and putting in effort and they knew that the knowledge you learn doesn’t cap out and that you can learn as much as you want while the workshop children weren’t taught this and didn’t have any real reason to grow out their mind because they weren’t taught that a growth mindset keeps going and doesn’t stay stagnate.

Just how we expand our knowledge we grow with every bit of it we obtain Photo by Susan Q Yin on Unsplash

The experiment that Carol Dweck had performed was that she had two groups of kids and taught one group what growth mindset is and the other group didn’t know what growth mindset was at the time and the kids who know about growth mindset learned more than the kids who did not know what growth mindset is.

The difference between a growth mindset and grit is that grit is about wanting to achieve the goal and visually making it happen while growth mindset makes you go out there and learn so that you’re actually able to achieve the goal. My mindset had to grow out of the same state it was in which was very unhealthy for me, so I know that I can improve and learn and grow from where I was, due to the growth mindset and that experiment where the mindset is forever growing and doesn’t have a cap.

The definition of grit is perseverance, it means that as long as you want to achieve something then you have a goal for and want to make that goal a reality, if you have a mindset that wants to do something then you’ll achieve the goal. Grit is critical to have especially while learning, having grit means you would want to learn or want to strive to get to your goal, while not having grit means that you won’t try as hard. During this time I learned that grit had helped me persevere through the challenge of facing that family can treat you just as bad as anyone else in the world. I was always taught that family will always have your back, so when this had happened to me grit helped me get up and had allowed me to process what had happened and it allowed me to move on from that situation. It allowed me to move on because I was determined to be better than my family and to grow from the past experience of being treated wrongly.

Picture of me and my cousin whom helped me learn that its okay to be independent

While it was my cousin who had made me understand more about patients, my whole family on my dad’s side also contributed to it as well because of everything from the past and it was all building up waiting to collapse. The way I had used grit was by giving myself a goal which is to learn to ignore the bad and to accept more of the good in life because there would be people I would ignore to go hang out with which would hurt my other friendships and make it seem like I’m flaking on them.

Deliberate practice is when you are constantly practicing one same skill to perfect the craft of that specific sport or hobby that you are practicing. K. Anders Ericson says playing golf with friends is not deliberate practice because it is fun and while practice could be fun depending on how good the skills are of your friends. When a star is born it is explaining how children born earlier in the year tend to become more likely to become successful within the sports industries because they tend to leave the younger kids on the bunch since they are smaller or weaker than the older ones and if you want to be competitive you need the bigger/stronger in the front.

In deliberately practice you need have a goal (grit) and a growth mindset of how your going to get better at this hobby or sport, make a plan and make that plan a reality, say you wanted to serve a ball expertly in tennis then you would watch a video on an expert serving the ball, copy their form, practice until you’ve perfected the form, and go put all your practice into reality and serve the ball expertly. I constantly used deliberate practice from when I had to keep getting done wrong by my family for me to finally teach the patients to leave them alone, and this had to keep happening over and over before I finally learned.

By becoming more independent I was able to focus more on myself and have fun with other people

To conclude this writing on how I had to grow from someone who was a dependent and was not as patient as I am now, was by practicing grit while knowing I had a growth mindset. These two, growth mindset and grit really helped me overcome my family problems and issues and helped me find a solution for these problems which were always being the problem or being left as an outcast.




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John Powell

John Powell

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