There is a wide spectrum of reactions to the Aziz Ansari revelations. From Caitlin Flanagan’s article inThe Atlantic which condemns Ansari’s alleged victim:
“Apparently there is a whole country full of young women who don’t know how to call a cab, and who have spent a lot of time picking out pretty outfits for dates they hoped would be nights to remember. They’re angry and temporarily powerful, and last night they destroyed a man who didn’t deserve it.”
To E Price’s Medium post which decries Ansari’s behavior:
“If you don’t think what Aziz Ansari did was coercive, you haven’t been in that kind of spot. Fucking good for you. But shut the fuck up about it. You don’t know. I’m glad for you, that you don’t know, but you need to shut up and listen to those of us who have knowledge on the subject.”
Both are worth a read, in addition hundreds of thousands of comments on both articles, which displays how divided both men and women are on this controversy. While many people are arguing over whether or not this is or isn’t sexual assault, I think men need to step back and take a big lesson out of this.
From E Price:
“If the person you’re spending time with says no, you stop. If they don’t help you to “move things along” (i.e., if they don’t advance the sexual encounter), you slow down, don’t advance, or stop. If a person freezes up or looks faraway and glassy-eyed, you check in or stop. If someone doesn’t return your kiss with any passion, you stop. If someone removes themselves from you physically, you check in and do not begin sexual activity again without enthusiastic consent. If someone moves your hand away, you don’t put your hand back there. It’s all so easy. If you give a shit.”
Whether or not this is helping or hurting the #MeToo movement, this is the best lesson I can take and share from the recent story about Ansari.