
Chester Bennington killed himself.
So did Robin Williams and Chris Cornell.
You could argue Prince and Michael Jackson were in the category of people who had everything, but did very little to protect the one main thing. They pushed life to a dangerous edge of risky behavior.
These were not people who were merely famous. While they benefited from marketing machines and corporations, fame was not created for them…their lights shone true and bright. They were people who were artistically embodied. Genuine artists expressing their gifts.
It is hard to understand what it must feel like to be someone so famous.
Imagine how often they hear “you changed my life.”
Imagine how rarely they have to compromise or settle in terms of worldly things.
They are literally living the “rock star” dream.
And yet, they are also human.
And no matter where you are on the “success” spectrum, being a human means you have ups and downs. Prisoners have good and bad days. Kings have good and bad days. So does everyone in between.
But the prisoner has hope. A prisoner can look at the blue sky above the prison yard and imagine what it will be like to be free. He can find solace in the tiny steps of progress in reading a book…or counting down the days until parole.
The king knows that nothing and no one is coming to save him. His life is perfect. Any distress he experiences is the proof that life is stressful. And anything the word needs must be provided by him.
Meanwhile, there are countless people beneath him and to the countries left and right that wish to take over his position.
After years of leading. After years of experiencing the finest of life’s pleasures. After years of doing his best…
The world is as it always has been.
And he still has good and bad days.
The only thing different is that he is older. He hurts in more places. His sex drive and energy are declining.
On good days, he embraces these changes as a small price to pay for wisdom. But on bad days he wonders, “Perhaps I’ve lived the best I can for this life.”
When I was young and trying to find my way, I was propelled by an inner fire. I wanted to do things nobody had done. I wanted to push myself and change the world. In my own tiny ways, I have changed myself and in doing so, changed the world.
But I look around the world now and see hundreds of people driven by similar fires. They are are more energetic. More driven. More articulate. They got more hustle.
If we are all on the side of the army of Love, these young warriors are the way of the future. I will gladly keep fighting the good fight, but I don’t want to compete with my comrades. I don’t want to outbid them in keyword auctions for “joyful living.” I don’t want to construct a sales funnel that outperforms their transformational e-learning program.
And so I sometimes have the thought: “I am not suicidal. But I’m also not especially attached to this life. I don’t want to die, but the fire I once had has already ignited most of the things I wanted to set ablaze.”
This is deeply affected by my beliefs that I am a spiritual being having a human experience. And that death will not be the end of my spiritual experience.
And when I consider that *I* have that thought that, I can only wonder what it must be like for a truly successful rock star. I’ve exceeded my expectations for this life, but I’m a long way from any traditional measurement of success.
Any time I’ve gotten close to the line of thinking: “Is is worth it to push on?” I again return to my spiritual understandings. If I find this worldly classroom so difficult or boring that I quit the class or allow myself to get kicked out, I don’t get absolved from the lesson. I will have to learn it some way or another. And the next classroom may not involve such a comfortable life of freedom in such a healthy body surrounded by such wonderful people. I can always take a yoga class, visit a friend, and enjoy a beach walk during “recess.”
I should note that I feel exceptionally blessed in this moment. And I have a long list of projects I am in the middle of. But I recognize that the means of motivation for me now is different. The need for a basic gratitude practice is infinitely more important. The words of the Alan Watts’ lectures I consume each morning while I stretch are priceless. So are the moments I spend with my parents, my family, my friends, and every human being on a path of expressing their authentic self.
And that is the reason you don’t have to worry about me. Not that there is anything I still need to do, but that there are so many people & things I still have to experience. Every sunset is a blessing. So is every smile and tear.
Maybe I am way off in my projections on to successful rock stars. But I have endless compassion for anyone who has a down day. If you are having a down day, I have no words to make it better. Just know that I’m sticking around for our next hug and I expect you to, too.
Love,
Halcyon
