I think the problem is partly that criticizing feminism is easily equated with misogyny by many. Very few seem to get any perspective that we are all, regardless of sex, losers in this silly game that effectively begs women to take advantage of men — all because men’s genes make them compete for women’s approval.
The irony is that I don’t think women in general are very keen on men that are always scurrying about them trying to do the right thing. As you point out, being in such a situation robs you of your self respect. And how can anyone respect anyone who does not respect themselves?