Membership Denied
The year was 1980 and my favorite annual event had finally arrived...shopping for school clothes. I'd spent the summer planning my fashion strategy for the upcoming school year, perusing the pages of the Sears catalog for hours on end, rather than playing outside. "This is the year I get noticed...get ready 5th grade, here comes a brand new JJ and he's looking good!", I said to myself. I had my shopping list ready to go and on the top of the page, in bold letters was the following:
Purple Members Only Jacket
Along with Levi's Jeans, an Izod shirt and a new pair of Chuck Taylor Converse, the Members Only Jacket was going to be the "piece de resistance" that took my look over the top and catapulted me into the upper echelons of popularity.
As my mother drove us to the local Elder-Beerman department store, I impatiently sat there on the passenger side, full of nervous anticipation. Once we arrived at the store, I quickly ran inside and started picking out clothes. My mother was a good natured, patient woman and brushed off my less than respectful behavior as I ransacked to racks like a whirling dervish. By the time the dust had settled, the cart was filled with every item on my list, except for one...the holy grail of outwear...the elusive Purple Members Only Jacket.
What happened next is still a bit of a blur. Unable to find my preferred color, my anxious energy turned to anger. The absence of purple among a myriad of other perfectly acceptable colors was probably the Universe's way of keeping my chubby 10 year old self from being likened to McDonald's Grimace for the entire upcoming school year, but my tunnel vision wouldn't be bothered with reasonable thought.
As I said previously, my mother was a patient woman, but when I snapped at her out of frustration, things began to unravel quickly. In an instant, I was being led out of the store by my collar to the sound of my mother's voice saying, "I don't know what's got into you, but I will not be disrespected like that in public!" I recall looking back and seeing the full abandoned shopping cart sitting there, all alone, mocking me. As it faded from view, so did my hopes of social supremacy. 5th grade would "not" be the year of JJ.
Instant Karma was on the menu that day and I got exactly what I deserved. My mother didn't drive directly home, but made a pit stop at a local farm supply store. That is where my school clothes were purchased in 1980. My Levi's ended up being a ridiculously stiff pair of Rustlers. The Izod shirt was now a plaid western shirt with ivory snaps instead of buttons. My Converse were replaced by an off brand imposter...the exact "inverse" of what I was going for. As for my Members Only Jacket, well that disappeared too, and with it my dreams of popularity. A corduroy coat with wool lining was the antithesis of coolness, and it would be what protected me from the elements that year.
I learned a very valuable life lesson that day... always be nice to your mother and treat her with respect; otherwise she might just burn your whole world down.
That night, a thousand tears were cried, for the loss of impending popularity... Membership Denied.
Be Well My Friends,
JJ
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