Boiling Beeper: When You Don’t Know How to Boil Water

BoilingBeeper™ is on Kickstarter!

If seeing this item gives you a feeling of deja vu, you may remember that BoilingBeeper™ was originally on Kickstarter around this time last year, where it failed to raise money and the campaign was cancelled by the people behind this miracle product.

Apparently, they want to try again, asking for a new base goal that’s 1/2 the $20,000 they tried for last year — and they’re just over 1/2 way there at time of this writing.

So what does this product plan to do for you? What desparate need does it serve that can only be met by a high-tech device?

It tells you when your water is boiling by beeping at you.

That’s all it does. No fooling.

You say that you or someone you know can’t boil water even with a recipe? This is the machine for you! It takes all the guesswork out of knowing when your water starts to boil, so you don’t have to stare at the pot, breathlessly waiting for that EXACT moment when the bubbles start to appear.

How did our ancestors manage without this device??

But wait, there’s MORE!

With your new-found freedom from pot watching, the BoilingBeeper™ people have even provided a list of activities you could do while you await the Pavlovian call to do something about the boiling water:

  • Binge watching Netflix.
  • Prepping the rest of dinner.
  • Spending time with the kids.
  • Giving your pet the loving attention it’s been missing all day.
  • Paying attention to your significant other.
  • Anything other than checking the water over and over like a maniac.

Again, how did your Grandmother — nay, your Mother — ever handle this Herculean task of what to do until the water boils?

The BoilingBeeper™ is easily inserted into the pot by hand, then removed the same way:

So easy, a 21st Century cook can do it!

Just remember that your BoilingBeeper™ will be hot, because it’s sitting in, well, boiling water. Very HOT boiling water.

But just think of the potential new friends you could meet down at the ER when you have those careless burns dressed!

Now, I would be remiss not to give you a proper warning to consider. The battery in BoilingBeeper™ cannot be replaced — you’ll need a whole new one when it runs out (or the casing cracks while being boiled and it leaks inside).

Chump change, amiright?

However, since the BoilingBeeper™ is SO reasonably priced (with shipping being tacked on equivalent to the price of the unit itself), that I’m sure all you well-off folk won’t mind frequent replacement.

So come on, folks! Let’s all start cooking the crowdfunding way, finally figure out how to boil water, and then pick up a phone to order a pizza when we forgot what the beeping noise was for!


Copyright 2017 John Lewis

John Lewis is a freelance writer and editor.

Want to drop some coin my way? Here’s a Patreon link: https://www.patreon.com/crowdfundinghell