Dumpster Fire 2016: The Cliff notes

After the second 2016 presidential debate it’s clear we are all losers. Some are going to claim Trump won and some will claim Hillary did. Even after watching it myself, it’s a bit confusing. The debate was supposed to be about specific stances on the issues but it quickly turned into a mudslinging hate fest of attacks on the other candidate. So to make it a little bit easier to determine what was actually said by the candidates, I read through the transcript and summarized each question and answer to see where the candidates stood. I hope it makes it a little easier to read and understand what they actually think about the issues. It really helps if you pretend like its two people you know from work hashing things out at the bar rather than the two choices for the next president, because seriously, its pretty bad.

Question 1) Kids in school look up to the presidential candidates, are you a good role model?

Clinton: I am trying to show there is good people in America and we need to work together to make a good future for our children.

Trump: Obamacare and the Iran deal are bad. We need strong borders. Two police officers were killed today.

Question 2) In the video that was released this week, Mr. Trump, you talked about kissing and groping women without their consent. You know that’s sexual assault right?

Trump: I never said that. No one respects women more than me. I might have said that and I am sorry. ISIS is bad and I am gonna defeat it. We are gonna make America rich and safe again.

Clinton: Donald Trump isn’t fit to be president. He has not only said disgusting things about women but also Muslims, POW’s, disabled people, immigrants, and African Americans.

Question 3) Mr Trump, you said the campaign changed you. When was that? Did you just stop saying the kind of thing you said at 59 since you turned 70?

Trump: That was locker room talk. Bill Clinton is also bad. Hillary is bad and should be ashamed. She started the birther movement. She will be in jail if I become president.

Clinton: Trump failed to apologize to the parents of Captain Khan, Federal Judge Gonzalo Curiel, President Obama, and disabled reporter Serge Kovaleski.

Seriously, at this point it had reached 30 minutes in, 3 questions had been asked and only1 substantial answer that actually address the question have been given. What a debate kids.

Question 4) Secretary Clinton you shouldn’t have had a private email server that had multiple classified emails going through it. You realize that was super dumb right?

Clinton: This was a mistake, I’m sorry, it’s my fault. They did investigate and didn’t find that any of it was leaked.

Trump: Clinton didn’t know C meant classified. She deleted a bunch of emails. She is bad.

Question 5) Obamacare really screwed up insurance, how would you fix that?

Clinton: Well an additional 20 million people got insurance because of Obamacare and people who already had insurance through their work got benefits from it. But it costs to much and its hard for small businesses to afford. But we also now have 90% of our population insured.

Trump: Obamacare is bad and broken and we have to get rid of it. I am going to get rid of Obamacare and get rid of the lines.

“We have to get rid of the lines.” “Nobody has ever seen numbers like this for health care.”

Question 6) There is a lot of Islamophobia in the US right now. How are you going to help Muslim-Americans who have been labeled as a threat.

Trump: Muslims need to report other Muslims. Obama and Hillary won’t say radical Islamic terrorism.

Clinton: We aren’t at war with Islam. There have been Muslims in America since George Washington and they are a successful part of America and I want them to see that they are wanted and included and part our country.

Question 7) Donald you said you want to ban Muslims from entering the US but this week Mike Pence said you didn’t. Which is it? Is banning people based on religion a mistake?

Trump: Captain Khan is a hero and if I was president at the time he would be alive because I didn’t want to go into Iraq. We need to have extreme vetting. Hillary wants more refugees to come here.

Question 8) Secretary Clinton you do want more refugees coming into the country. Even with tougher vetting its not a perfect system so why would you take that risk?

Clinton: There are women and children suffering who don’t pose a risk and we don’t take in nearly as many refugees as Europe. We shouldn’t ban people based on religion as our country is based on freedom of religion and that is used to recruit more jihadis. Donald was for the war in Iraq.

Question 9) After the Wikileaks report this week that had speech transcripts that said you need private and public stance on issues is it okay to be two faced?

Clinton: I was totally just talking about Abraham Lincoln. Russia is trying to get Trump elected with hacking.

Trump: She got caught in a lie. I don’t know what’s going on with Russia. I mean I know what’s going on but I don’t have business there. I have a great balance sheet. Clinton’s friends took bigger tax deductions than me. I pay hundreds of millions in taxes.

Question 10) How would you change taxes so the rich pay their fair share?

Trump: I would get rid of carried interest. Hillary Clinton could have lowered taxes and didn’t. Corporations pay to much in taxes. I am going to lower taxes.

Clinton: Donald Trump didn’t pay taxes. I want to tax people who make over a million dollars.

Question 11) Donald, did you use a $916 million loss to avoid paying federal income taxes?

Trump: Duh. But…

“…I pay tremendous numbers of taxes.”

Hillary has bad judgement. I love depreciation. Carried interest is bad but Hillary wants to keep it.

Clinton: Presidents have veto power. I was an awesome Senator and sponsored or cosponsored 400 pieces of legislation.

Question 12) What are you going to do about Syria and Aleppo?

Clinton: Russia and Syria are bad and we should have a no fly zone. I would be the toughest on Russia.

Trump: Our nuclear program has fallen behind. Russia has the dopest nukes.

“We are exhausted in terms of nuclear.”

The Iran deal was bad. Clinton wants to fight for rebels. You don’t know who they are.

Martha Raddatz: Lemme run this question back because I don’t think you got it Trump. What would you do in Syria? Pence said that Russian aggression needs to be met with force and the US should be prepared to attack the military targets of the Assad regime.

Trump: No, I don’t agree with that Pence guy.

Raddatz: Okay you know he is your running mate right? Are you sure you disagree with him?

Trump: Syria is Russia. We have to fight ISIS. Syria is Iran and Clinton, Kerry, and Obama made Iran super powerful. We need to sneak attack Mosul. Our foreign policy is stupid. I know better than the people who are attempting to retake Mosul.

Raddatz: Clinton, would you use U.S. force other than to enforce a no fly zone?

Clinton: No, we shouldn’t use our troops to hold territory. We could probably arm the Kurds. I wanna merc that Baghdadi guy too.

Question 13) Do you think you can be devoted to all the people in the U.S. if you are president?

Trump: Of course. NAFTA is bad. Hillary Clinton doesn’t help African-Americans, Hispanics, or the inner city. Hillary called people deplorables.

Clinton: Yes. I want to make sure everyone feels welcome here. I have worked with all sorts of different communities in the 30 years I have been in public service.

Anderson Cooper: Yeah but you totally called millions of American’s deplorables, whats up with that?

Clinton: Yeah I probably shouldn’t have said that because Trump’s supporters aren’t deplorable. But Trump definitely is deplorable. Seriously have you heard the stuff he has said?

Trump: Our country is divided. She has hate in her heart. She is the next Barack Obama.

Question 14) Trump, you wrote that one of the most important characteristics of a good leader is discipline. You tweet crazy stuff at 3 in the morning about sex tapes though. Is that discipline?

Trump: No I didn’t tweet that. Benghazi. Twitter is totes awesome. I have a bunch of followers.

“I’m not unproud of it.”

Cooper: Secretary Clinton, what do you think? Is this guy disciplined.

Clinton: Hell to the naw. I have been around 3 presidents now and this guy couldn’t hack it.

Question 15) What’s the most important part about selecting a Supreme Court Justice?

Clinton: I want a justice that has done more than work at a big law firm. I want someone who will overturn Citizens United but won’t overturn Roe v. Wade or marriage equality. Why hasn’t the senate voted on Obama’s nominee?

Trump: I want a justice that sticks by the constitution and respects the 2nd Amendment. I funded my own campaign. Clinton has all this money, why doesn’t she fund her own campaign?

Question 16) How are you going to have a green energy policy that keeps fossil power plant worker job loss low?

Trump: Obama is laying siege to energy. Hillary wants to put coal miners out of business. I am going to bring energy companies back. China is dumping steel in America. I really like West Virginia, Ohio, and Pennsylvania.

Clinton: That steel that China is dumping, D. Trump is buying it for his buildings, just FYI. We are energy independent but the reason for low oil costs is due to price control by the Middle East. We need clean energy and to bring back using coal. I have a plan and its on my website so go check that out.

Question 17) Seriously you guys are both huge assholes to each other, can you please just say one nice thing you respect about each other?

Clinton: He has good kids and that means he probably was an okay dad. This election is really important so vote for me.

Trump: Thanks for saying that about my kids. They are pretty cool. Hillary is actually pretty tough and a fighter and doesn’t give up. I don’t agree with the things she says or does a lot of the time but she is fighter and that’s a good trait.

So there you have it everyone. This was the 2nd debate in the presidential race for 2016. Of the 17 major questions there were a 7 about actual policy. There was even a couple of times the candidates stopped bickering and answered the questions they were asked. But seriously, it was mostly garbage of the hottest, stinkiest kind. The only real things to come out of this is that both of the major party candidates are pretty awful, Hillary wants to arm the Kurds, and Trump and Pence are probably going to be having a long talk. Really at this point I am just wondering if it’s too late for them to drop out and for Kenneth Bone and Karl Becker to take over.

All debate material was based off the 2016 Second Presidential Debate at Washington University. The transcript used was transcribed by NPR and can be found at : http://www.npr.org/2016/10/09/497056227/fact-check-clinton-and-trump-debate-for-the-second-time.