That Whole Birtherism Argument Makes Sense Now

President Obama’s Birth Certificate

I admit it, I was naive. I see that now.

When Orangeface began arguing that President Obama wasn’t born in the United States, I thought he was being a jackass.

How does that even make sense? I thought.

It wasn’t the racism that stunned me. Sure, I was angry about that, but I’ve been around the sun enough times that nothing so overtly and stupidly racist was going to surprise me. What absolutely stunned me was that Mr. Tinyhands actually believed it was possible to dup the CIA!

Like he really thought getting a crayon and scribbling “Teh United States ov America, for realz!” on a piece of paper was enough to fool the most advanced spy agencies in the world.

These are the guys that gave us crazy shit like Extraordinary Rendition. They know what the hell they’re doing. If they say “this cat’s an American citizen,” you can be damn sure he is an American citizen. Because if he’s not, he’ll end up lying naked on the concrete floor of an unmarked building in southern Germany for trying to take over our government.

It’s real easy, I thought. He was cleared by the badasses, so he’s okay.

I admit it, I was naive. I see that now. I just wish I didn’t have to be proven wrong so… concretely.

Don’t get me wrong, I know President Obama is an American citizen– I’m not a complete imbecile. I am naive, though.

I’m naive enough to assume that the security agencies charged with protecting the integrity and sovereignty of their government will… well… actually do that.

However, it appears the CIA, the FBI, the NSA, the Secret Service, and whatever the hell other security services we have don’t know what the hell they are doing. Either that or they absolutely know what the hell they are doing but don’t have the ability to do jack shit about it.

The argument I made about Orangeface’s birtherism was that it wasn’t possible for a dangerous liar to insinuate themselves into The White House because they would make him disappear. But damn, was I wrong.

Of course, it’s probable that I just misunderstood what they do.

I had the naive assumption that our security services would make it impossible for someone who’s effectively an agent of a foreign power to take control of our government. But maybe that’s not their job at all.

Maybe the role of the CIA is simply to inform whatever puppet government is in power that a puppet government is in power.

Because that’s apparently what happened.

So, we know a foreign government interfered in the elections. We know that government hacked the RNC like they did the DNC but kept everything they found. We know that Team Tinyhands had questionable contact with that government during the campaign. And we know that government considers at least some members of his Cabinet A Friend™.

And yet all we‘re going to do about it is tell Mr. Tinyhands that we know all this?

“One reason the nation’s intelligence chiefs took the extraordinary step of including the synopsis in the briefing documents was to make the President-elect aware that such allegations involving him are circulating among intelligence agencies, senior members of Congress and other government officials in Washington, multiple sources tell CNN.”

Is anyone actually surprised that Orangeface wants to gut the US Intelligence agencies and fire their leaders?

Not that they are necessarily doing anything substantive. I was under the impression that if the CIA found out a foreign stooge was trying to take over our government, they’d take care of him. But the reality is apparently that they will… well, take care of him.

“Um, excuse me? Sorry to bother you while you gut our government Mister Neo-Fascist, sir, but I wanted to let you know that we have some pretty solid intel that you are actually Vlad’s tiny-handed sock puppet … Yes sir. Of course sir. I’ll tender my resignation immediately, sir.”

A guy like this is openly walking into The White House to literally purge the government, while he puts his family in power, and while much of the Republican party drops to their knees to lick his shoes. Yeah, given that, you can sort of see how maybe we might have overlooked a faked birth certificate, sure.

One clap, two clap, three clap, forty?

By clapping more or less, you can signal to us which stories really stand out.