The sextortion hoax that’s not a hoax

They said it was just a scam, but I found out it was real

Sep 8, 2018 · 3 min read

Author’s Note: This is a joke that failed. Read more here. Please do read on (and watch the video) but don’t contact me asking me to donate to your strange organization. I have other things to spend my money on (which is clear if you watch the video).

So there’s a new scam going around. One where someone has your actual password, and claims to have videos of you watching porn. You’ve no doubt seen the news articles by now about the most recent email scam with text like this…

Well, I actually placed a malware on the porn website and guess what, you visited this web site to have fun (you know what I mean). While you were watching the video, your web browser acted as a RDP (Remote Desktop) and a keylogger which provided me access to your display screen and webcam.

If you’re in my list of contacts, you’ve probably gotten an email from me about it. Plenty of my friends laughed and sent me the links about it being a scam. Sites like this:

After seeing those, I chuckled at my naivety and carried on. I deleted the email and ignored the request for money because all the security sites said it was nothing worry about.

Then, today, I received an email demanding ten times the original amount…and a video of myself.

I’m going to come right out and admit something that is likely going to destroy your opinion of me: I have a problem looking at…well…images. Until recently, I’ve kept this problem a relative secret — only known by a few friends and, of course, my wife.

Yes, she knows.

We’re working through it. We talk often about how much money I spend and how much of my time is stolen away from her while I watch videos and play with toys. We love each other and have been through more difficult trials than this, so I thought we could get through this…until now.

The most embarrassing thing has always been knowing I have this problem and that I am powerless to stop it — that I don’t WANT to stop it. Now the most embarrassing thing is that everyone will watch me do it.

Look, the reality is that I don’t have that much money, so this video is going to go out there. My only hope is that by posting it myself I can at least have a chance that you’ll understand me.

I hate that I have to justify this, but I’m a normal human being, with normal desires. I like all colors, shapes and sizes. I see them and I get excited and then I have to play, well, by myself. All I can say is that other people are not always available and sometimes dammit I need to feel it.

So screw those blackmailers. They’re not holding me hostage. You want to threaten me with an embarrassing video? I’ll post it myself. To the whole damn world!

I know that everyone will think less of me for watching me do this, but I don’t care. At least I’m honest with myself.

Video of me doing something I probably shouldn’t be doing

John Metta

Written by

An unassuming hobbit who lives in a notebook with a pet fountain pen. Proud member of House Hufflepuff. Music maker, dreamer of dreams.

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