Bus-Sized Crocodile Fossil Discovered in Tunisia:

Bus-Sized Crocodile Fossil Discovered in Tunisia: The Washington Post reports that Paleontologists in Tunisia have unearthed the remains of terrifying 30-foot, 3-ton, bus-sized crocodile. Good grief, can you imagine mistakenly boarding that instead of a bus? Is it any wonder people back then were reluctant to take public transportation?


Mexican Officials Moving El Chapo From Cell to Cell: In order to prevent another embarrassing escape, its being reported that prison officials are continually moving Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman from cell to cell inside the maximum security prison where he is being held. In related news, optometrists who’ve examined El Chapo since his capture, fear he may be developing a serious case of “tunnel vision.”


Border Patrol Seizes Marijuana Disguised As Carrots: Officials say a shipment of fresh carrots intercepted by U.S. Customs and Border Protection agents actually turned out to be a mixture of real produce and 2,493 pounds of marijuana wrapped to look like carrots. Makes you wonder who the hell came up with that idea, Martha Stewart?

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