Massachusetts Plans Rattlesnake Colony on Uninhabited Island:

Massachusetts Plans Rattlesnake Colony on Uninhabited Island: A plan by the state to establish a colony of venomous timber rattlesnakes on an off-limits island in Massachusetts’ largest body of water is causing concerns among some local residents that the serpents, who can also swim, will pose a danger to hikers, fishermen and hunters.

Gee, sounds like residents are really getting rattled about this. The funny thing is, I had no idea we were running out of venomous snakes? Who could have known that the good citizens of the area were thinking “what we need around here are more venomous snakes?”

Hell, if they’re really concerned about balancing the ecosystem, why not establish a colony of snake-handling Pentecostals on the island? The Pentecostals catch the rattlesnakes, the snakes bite them and the Pentecostals all go bye-bye. Seems like a win-win for just about everyone — with the possible exception of the Pentecostals.

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