Melania Trump Will Not Move Into The White House in January

Melania Trump Will Not Move Into The White House in January: President-elect Donald Trump has confirmed that his wife Melania and their 10-year-old son Barron will remain in New York and not move into the White House after her husband takes office in January. I get that. You can’t expect her to have to crap in a toilet that’s not made of gold. We wouldn’t want any of the Trumps inconvenienced by the presidency. Hell, with any luck, Trump won’t be moving into the White House either. On the other hand, now he’ll be free to staff the White House with Ukrainian strippers. The possibilities are endless.

Angry Fans To Get Refunds After Disastrous Kanye West Show: Ticketmaster has agreed to refund ticket money for fans who felt ripped-off after a disastrous Kanye West concert in which he showed up 90 minutes late, only performed three songs before going into a rant about how Beyoncé “hurt” him and leaving the stage. Refunds are nice, but if you seriously don’t like being ripped-off, I’d suggest not shelling out $350 for a Kanye West concert in the first place.

Jerry Falwell, Jr. Meets with Trump About Dept. of Education Position: Creationist and climate change denier Jerry Falwell Jr. told local media that he and Donald Trump have met at Trump Tower to discuss the U.S. Department of Education and Falwell’s potential role. Perfect choice! I guess the only thing left to do now is appoint “Ark Encounter” operator Ken Ham as Secretary of the Navy.